IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Nowadays, more and more young Vietnamese people celebrate festivals such as Christmas and Halloween. Some people think there is nothing wrong with this while others are worried about the influence of foreign cultures. What is your opinion?

Opinions are often divided as to whether there will be any detrimental influence in light of more foreign
festivals
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
Vietnamese
Use synonyms
 culture. From my perspective, I support both sides of the matter
due to
Linking Words
 the following aspects. On the one hand, there are compelling reasons why it is justifiable to celebrate foreign
festivals
Use synonyms
. Chief among these is the attribution to globalisation. With a view to thriving in a connected world, many have adopted different cultural practices, reinforcing diversity and fostering social cohesion.
Therefore
Linking Words
, embracing nonnative
festivals
Use synonyms
 is more than having appreciation for differences, but paving the way for togetherness, forging a common identity for humankind.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, at the core of
festivals
Use synonyms
 is to highlight
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
 themes of virtues and bonds. To illustrate, celebrations like Christmas, though originated beyond Vietnam, carry the spirit to showcase gratitude and cherish moments with loved ones.
This
Linking Words
 educational value,
hence
Linking Words
, makes
festivals
Use synonyms
 deserve their presence in
Vietnamese
Use synonyms
 lives. On the one hand, there are convincing reasons to justify the celebration of foreign
festivals
Use synonyms
. Primarily,
this
Linking Words
 trend reflects the impact of globalisation, where adopting diverse cultural practices promotes inclusivity and strengthens social cohesion. Embracing nonnative celebrations,
therefore
Linking Words
, is not merely about appreciating differences but about building a shared sense of humanity.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
festivals
Use synonyms
 inherently emphasise virtues and togetherness.
For example
Linking Words
, Christmas, though foreign to Vietnam, conveys universal values of gratitude and love, which enrich the moral and emotional fabric of
Vietnamese
Use synonyms
 society.
However
Linking Words
, equally important is the concern about distinct cultural identity . More focus on cultural exchange may lead to the predominant position of foreign
festivals
Use synonyms
, which pale traditional ones into insignificance.
Such
Linking Words
 an imbalance can potentially decrease interest in preserving the unique spiritual features, weakening the deep-rooted values that are continued through generations.
For instance
Linking Words
, elements like decorative arts or rituals in
Vietnamese
Use synonyms
 long-established
festivals
Use synonyms
 have been less engaged as part of cultural evolution, where content on exotic festivities seems to allure younger individuals more. In the grand scheme of things, I contend that celebrating international
festivals
Use synonyms
 is a two-dimensional trend for the
Vietnamese
Use synonyms
. It is of paramount importance to critically adapt foreign cultures that positively contribute to and enrich modern society,
while
Linking Words
 maintaining the survival of valuable traditional practices.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

planning
Plan your essay with a clear start and end. Put your view in the first paragraph and restate it at the end.
structure
Keep one idea in each paragraph. Use simple link words to show order.
language
Use simple, common words. Avoid long and hard phrases.
examples
Give clear examples. When you name a thing, make it easy for the reader to see.
coherence
Check for repeating lines like 'On the one hand'. Use other words to show two sides.
position
The writer shows a fair view of both sides and keeps the main idea clear.
content
The idea that tradition and new culture can both fit in is well said.
language
The use of examples like Christmas helps show values.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: