IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that the most effective way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities to encourage exercise. However, others argue that this focus is misplaced and that promoting healthy eating is more important. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Many argue that the best solution to developing
health
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 is to raise resident enthusiasm by building more gym facilities,
whereas
Linking Words
 others advocate that the key to having beneficial
health
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 is diet. In my opinion, the most important factors to strengthen
health
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 focus on both routes. Exercising and playing sports are of paramount importance to significantly increase the body's metabolism. By increasing the activity of the body, the metabolism will increase, resulting in burning fat, building muscles, and reducing the poisons in the body.
For instance
Linking Words
, by researcher Thompson Rick in 2020, a study declared the importance of implementing a daily exercise that will rapidly have a positive impact on public
health
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 by 110%, including blood pressure and heart performance. There is a diet that
people
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 follow through their daily routine that benefits and impacts
health
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 in the
long-term
Use the right word
long term
show examples
. When citizens enhance the cultural style of
people
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 regarding
food
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, especially junk
food
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, the outcomes will affect
people
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 in the right way that
leads
Wrong verb form
leading
show examples
 to well-being and
health
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.
For example
Linking Words
, a study on 200 students in Kingston University by Faisal Alpin in 2010, the results inspired the community and showed the paramount importance of applying a healthy daily style regarding consumed
food
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; those who ate healthy
food
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 for more than 3 years lived 6 years longer than those who ate fast
food
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.
In
Change preposition
From
show examples
 my perspective, the most effective way to increase a healthy life is to apply a balanced approach, where individuals have regular exercise and eat healthy
food
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, which already increases the level of lifestyle with public
health
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. So, exercising and eating healthy
food
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 are crucial factors to have a healthy life. In conclusion, some
people
Use synonyms
 argue that building sports facilities is essential to strengthen public
health
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
 others believe diet is a key factor rather than exercise to enhance
health
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. I would argue that an ideal approach is the best route to strengthen public
health
Use synonyms
.

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task
You answer the task by looking at both sides and give your own view. To raise the score, give a clear view in the intro, and make each paragraph about one main idea. Use real, simple examples and avoid fake names or numbers.
coherence
Link ideas well. Use clear topic sentences for each paragraph. Use linking words like also, but, however, and for example. Use shorter sentences to help flow.
content
You give both sides and your own view.
structure
There is a plan with three ideas: exercise, diet, balance.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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