IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The government should spend money on promoting sports and arts in schools rather than sponsoring professional sports and arts events in communities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, many people are of the opinion that government spending on schools’ outdoor activities,
such
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 as
sports
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 and
arts
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, is more appropriate than sponsoring professional
sports
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 and
arts
Use synonyms
events
Use synonyms
 in communities.
While
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 I acknowledge that
such
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events
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 contribute to
overall
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 well-being and create an exciting atmosphere for the public, I strongly believe that investing in
sports
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 and
arts
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 education in schools can more effectively address many problems that students are currently facing. First and foremost, it is undeniable that funding community
events
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 is meaningful and worthwhile, as it helps to strengthen social bonds within neighbourhoods. At these
events
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, people have opportunities to meet one another, discuss various issues, and form new friendships.
Moreover
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, community
events
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 are often seen as social gatherings that allow individuals to develop communication skills, cooperation, and social interaction.
However
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,
this
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 approach only provides a partial solution to relatively minor issues,
while
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 more serious problems are associated with modern lifestyles and the long-term development of society.
Therefore
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, government expenditure should be prioritised to ensure the effective delivery of school subjects
such
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 as
sports
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 and
arts
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.
To begin
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 with, many students nowadays spend excessive amounts of time on unproductive activities,
such
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 as scrolling through social media or playing online games.
Instead
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, they should be encouraged to focus on physical exercise and mental development. By providing greater access to extracurricular activities, students can build healthy habits and become more actively engaged in physical exercise.
In addition
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, promoting
sports
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 and
arts
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 in schools can gradually reduce the number of diseases related to unhealthy lifestyles and may even save many lives in the long run.
Last
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 but not least,
such
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 initiatives can foster students’ critical thinking skills, making them less likely to overuse technology in classrooms
while
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 enabling them to think more creatively. In conclusion,
although
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 sponsoring professional
sports
Use synonyms
 and
arts
Use synonyms
events
Use synonyms
 in communities offers certain social benefits, I firmly believe that government funding should be directed towards promoting
sports
Use synonyms
 and
arts
Use synonyms
 in schools.
This
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 approach not only addresses students’ physical and mental well-being more effectively but
also
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 contributes to the development of healthier, more creative, and socially responsible future generations.

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task response
Add one or two real examples to show why you think so.
language
Keep each idea short and simple. avoid long, hard words.
coherence
Use easy link words to connect ideas and show how they fit.
strength
Clear view and answer to the question.
structure
Intro, body, and end are clear.
coherence
Good link words that help flow.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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