Some people say that parents should place restrictions on the hours of their children spend watching TV and playing computer games, and encourage them to spend this time reading books instead. Do you agree or disagree?

There is a view that the hours spent on a big screen or playing computer
games
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must be controlled;
instead
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, parents should motivate them to read
books
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more.
While
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some
people
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oppose
this
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notion, I partially agree with
this
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idea as youngsters acquire knowledge well on digital items. In the modernised century, parents should restrict the active hours on social media of their
children
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as kids are too young to deal with the misunderstood or bullies in the digital age, they may be confused.
In addition
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, they
also
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suffer from health risks related to their eyes.
However
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, too much time spent in front of a computer or screen can be dangerous to their mental and physical health at the same time.
Instead
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of utilising digital items,
books
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can be an option since
children
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are provided with more knowledge in that way and stay more focused.
Therefore
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, parents must work on the behaviour and activities of their
children
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.
Conversely
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, the current century really requires being aware of computers and screens at every stage of life. Kids
also
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tend to play online
games
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from a young age.
Moreover
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, kids can improve their typing and communication
skills
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when they play on a laptop. Admittedly, now, more and more
people
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can learn things quickly in the electronic version of
books
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, especially by listening to them.
Besides
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that, there are special programs and channels on TV which are specialised for educating
children
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to learn new
skills
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, ranging from language
skills
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such
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as spelling, listening and speaking to communication abilities. When
children
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gather with online friends on computer
games
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, it really encourages them to socialise more with
people
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all over the world. They
also
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provided information about other cultures and living conditions. Gadgets
also
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offer the latest news on social media.
Thus
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, being aware of how to use online platforms helps
people
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develop their
skills
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. In conclusion,
although
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TV and online
games
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can be harmful in some situations and be an obstacle to being focused on reading
books
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, there are other benefits which outweigh the drawbacks .

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that your arguments support your main point. Try to link your ideas more clearly.
task achievement
Include more examples that directly support your ideas, and ensure every point is fully explained.
task achievement
You clearly stated your opinion and provided points for both sides of the argument.
coherence and cohesion
You used a variety of sentence structures, which is good for keeping the reader engaged.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cognitive development
  • Screen time
  • Attention span
  • Academic performance
  • Physical exercise
  • Childhood obesity
  • Language skills
  • Creativity
  • Imagination
  • Empathy
  • Educational programs
  • Personal growth
  • Balanced approach
  • Interactive games
  • Media consumption
  • Self-regulation
  • Distractions
  • Technology-enhanced learning
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