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Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion.

According to
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 some individuals,
music
Use synonyms
 fosters unity among various age groups and traditions.
Music
Use synonyms
 is largely accepted as a universal language
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 it bridges the gap between ages and cultures. I strongly support
this
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 stance and will explain
further
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 with examples.
To begin
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 with,
music
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 goes beyond cultural and linguistic barriers
,
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;
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therefore
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, it is accessible to everyone. The genre, lyrics and rhythm of
music
Use synonyms
 played by people easily
commucates
Correct your spelling
communicate
 their emotions to those around them. With
advancement
Correct article usage
the advancement
show examples
 in technology,
music
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 lovers can surf the Internet to look up the meaning of the lyrics of a song.
For instance
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,
music
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 videos have
sub titles
Use the right word
subtitles
show examples
 in English, a language which almost everyone can read and understand.
Furthermore
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,
music
Use synonyms
 plays a vital role in bridging the gap between age groups. At family celebrations, international musical concerts and national events, older and younger people can connect through shared experiences.
Moreover
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, the youth can listen to songs which can make them appreciate the past generation.
However
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, it is important to acknowledge that not all types of
music
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 appeal to everyone. In conclusion,
although
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music
Use synonyms
 tastes vary across cultures and generations, it remains a universal language that connects people at a deeper emotional level.
Therefore
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, I strongly agree with the opinion that
music
Use synonyms
 is a powerful tool for bringing together individuals from diverse backgrounds and age groups.

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content
Add one or two very clear examples to back each main idea.
structure
Use a clear topic sentence at the start of each paragraph and use simple linking words (for example, first, also, but, however) to connect ideas.
language
Correct small spelling mistakes and keep ideas simple so the meaning is easy to see.
position
Clear stance on the topic.
organization
Good basic plan and easy to read.
content
The essay notes how music can link both culture and age.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal language
  • evoke
  • connect
  • diverse audiences
  • cultural exchange
  • generational gaps
  • shared experiences
  • unifying force
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