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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

S. In some countries, it is becoming increasingly common for people to follow a vegetarian diet. Do the advantages of ths outweigh the disadvantages ?

In some countries, the popularity of
vegetarian
Correct article usage
a vegetarian
show examples
diet
Use synonyms
 is growing rapidly.
While
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 some
people
Use synonyms
 solely ‎focus on the
this
Linking Words
diet
Use synonyms
Check wording
apply
show examples
benefits
Use synonyms
, others raise concerns about the side effects of being vegan. ‎Preserving biodiversity and being less expensive are the two
benefits
Use synonyms
 of
vegetarian
Correct article usage
a vegetarian
show examples
diet
Use synonyms
.‎
Vegetarian
Correct article usage
A vegetarian
show examples
diet
Use synonyms
 has brought numerous
benefits
Use synonyms
 to some countries. Biodiversity is significantly ‎affected by
this
Linking Words
 matter. In some parts of Russia,
people
Use synonyms
 used to hunt animals for their
meal
Fix the agreement mistake
meals
show examples
.
Use synonyms
Deers
Fix the agreement mistake
Deer
show examples
 ‎were the main prey for hunters in Russia. After a long time, the number of
Use synonyms
deers
Fix the agreement mistake
deer
show examples
 fell significantly. ‎
As a result
Linking Words
 of
this
Linking Words
 approach, russian
Use synonyms
deers
Fix the agreement mistake
deer
show examples
 became extinct.
This
Linking Words
 is
while
Linking Words
, in northern Iceland, these ‎animals are living freely because residents of those areas are vegan and they do not hunt
Use synonyms
deers
Fix the agreement mistake
deer
show examples
. ‎
Moreover
Linking Words
, it has been proven that
people
Use synonyms
 who are accustomed to
use
Wrong verb form
using
show examples
 vegetables are healthier ‎than those
eat
Correct pronoun usage
who eat
show examples
 meat.
For instance
Linking Words
, a study showed that Indians live longer than other nations in ‎Asia
due to
Linking Words
 being
vegeterian
Correct your spelling
vegetarian
. High blood pressure and coronary heart
diseases
Fix the agreement mistake
disease
show examples
 are the main ‎issues that can affect
people
Use synonyms
 who eat meat products. ‎ There are some
people
Use synonyms
 who believe
vegetarian
Correct article usage
a vegetarian
show examples
diet
Use synonyms
 might threaten
human's
Check wording
human
show examples
 health. Vitamin B12 is ‎considered
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a mineral substance that
only is
Correct word order
is only
show examples
 available in meat and its
byproduct
Fix the agreement mistake
byproducts
show examples
. Regarding the ‎lack of substances like B12, these individuals say
if
Correct word choice
that if
show examples
 it is essential to our body and
health
Punctuation problem
health,
show examples
 we must ‎use it.
Otherwise
Linking Words
, it is widely accepted that there are significant examples of other vitamins that ‎we cannot
received
Wrong verb form
receive
show examples
 from their natural sources.
For instance
Linking Words
, vitamin D
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 comes from
sun ‎
Check wording
sunlight
show examples
lights
Punctuation problem
lights,
show examples
 is one of those essentials.
a
Fix capitalization
A
show examples
 considerable number of
people
Use synonyms
 were suffering from vitamin D ‎
defficiency
Correct your spelling
deficiency
.
However
Linking Words
, now, we have many supplements that can provide these elements ‎sufficiently.
vegans
Fix capitalization
Vegans
show examples
 can easily take these supplements to address
this
Linking Words
 issue.‎
in
Fix capitalization
In
show examples
 conclusion, numerous
benefits
Use synonyms
 are encountered for
vegetarian
Correct article usage
a vegetarian
show examples
diet
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as preserved ‎biodiversity in Iceland and improved health level in India.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the problem,
such
Linking Words
 as the ‎lack of some vital elements in vegetables and
fruits
Punctuation problem
fruits,
show examples
 has been solved by supplements these days. ‎
According to
Linking Words
aforementioned
Correct article usage
the aforementioned
show examples
 explanations, the disadvantages of vegetarian foods are outweighed ‎by
its
Fix the agreement mistake
their
show examples
 advantages.

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task response
Say yes or no at once. Then give two or three reasons using small facts. Use a simple plan.
coherence
Make one idea per paragraph. Use words like also, but, so to link ideas so the writing flows.
introduction conclusion
Intro should be short and tell what you talk about. End with one clear line that restates your view.
main points
Give a reason for each idea, then a small example or fact. This makes your view clear.
examples
Choose true and simple examples. Link each example to the idea it backs up.
language
Watch spelling and grammar. Fix words like deer, vegetarian, vitamin B12.
content
The essay shows a view that vegetarian diet has both sides and ends with a view.
content
Some real examples are used (though not correct in fact).
structure
The plan is seen; there is a start and end.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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