IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that in the future, environmental problems will mean that we are unable to live on this planet. In order to survive, the human species will need to find another planet that can support life. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

In the present world, we are dealing with many environmental problems
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
human
Correct article usage
the human
show examples
 species might not
me
Use the right word
be
show examples
 able to live on
planet
Use synonyms
 Earth anymore.
Even some
Rephrase
Some
show examples
 believe that we will need to find a new
planet
Use synonyms
 to live on. I agree that we might need to relocate our homes, but it is important to slow
this
Linking Words
 process down.
Initially
Linking Words
, if the circumstances of
planet
Use synonyms
 Earth do become crucial, our species will need to evacuate. To illustrate, air pollution in certain cities in China is so bad that individuals need to wear face masks
while
Linking Words
 they are outside. Sadly,
this
Linking Words
 damage is usually
irreversable
Correct your spelling
irreversible
,
hence
Linking Words
, citizens are struggling to survive.
As a result
Linking Words
, they migrate, and slowly these chemicals are endangering the lives of billions of people.
However
Linking Words
, it is important to change our habits that have
lead
Replace the word
led
show examples
 to
this
Linking Words
 disaster,
therefore
Linking Words
, we do not make the same mistakes again.
For instance
Linking Words
, fossil fuel burning is the main cause
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 global warming. In modern days, almost everyone has their own car
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
thus
Linking Words
, the carbon dioxide
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
that is
Linking Words
 released in the air
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 is approximately 50 bigger than
what
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
it would be if people used public transportation.
As a result
Linking Words
, not only
traffic jams are
Correct word order
are traffic jams
show examples
 created
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 our
planed
Use the right word
plans
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
also
Linking Words
 being burned.
To conclude
Linking Words
, air pollution
getting
Verb problem
is getting
show examples
 worse every day, but people do not tend to be keen on changing anything about it. NASA is exploring the Universe in order to find a new home for
human
Correct article usage
the human
show examples
 species. But
first
Add a comma
first,
show examples
 we should focus on how to fix our own
planet
Use synonyms
 rather than find a new one.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Make your view clear early in the first paragraph and keep it in the rest of the essay.
coherence
Use easy linking words to show order, like first, next, also, and finally.
coherence
Give a clear example for each idea and show how it supports your point.
language
Check spelling and fix common errors. Use short, simple sentences.
content
You show a real view about moving to a new home.
structure
You end with a last line that restates your idea.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • environmental degradation
  • sustainable development
  • renewable energy
  • carbon footprint
  • biodiversity loss
  • climate change
  • greenhouse gases
  • deforestation
  • pollution
  • habitable planets
  • space colonization
  • terraforming
  • ethical dilemmas
  • resource allocation
  • technological advancements
What to do next:
Look at other essays: