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Writing Samples
Band 7

Studies have shown that in many countries the income gap between the rich and poor is ever increasing. What problems can arise from this situation and what could be done to address this situation?

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The distinctions of income which would cause problems between the rich and poor are rising in most countries.
This
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 essay will concentrate on the problem that started from the pay gap at first. After that, the discussion going to look forward to several ways to solve them.
To begin
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 with, the main reason for
this
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 concern is the poor going to be more difficult to retain their life as their income.
In other words
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, the poor would hard to buy the daily necessities, requirements, and so on at
last
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. Eventually, someone who gives up living an ordinary life might commit a crime like stealing things from a store, or express their madness to another person by violence. In Korea, an old man who suffered from poverty severely decided to steal potatoes from a store. Eventually, he was caught, but his disability to sustain his own life makes people sad.
Thus
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 he was released without punishment. One way to tackle
this
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 is by implementing welfare foundations for the poor and collecting more taxes from the rich. By the flow of money, rich to poor, we can solve several problems originating from the gaps. If
this
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 way is practiced, the government can expand the ages and conditions that can benefit from nation.
This
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 will not only help poor people but
also
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 younger students who do not get a job.
For example
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, the government is trying to support young men to get a decent job by applying for money of approximately 300,0000 won. In conclusion, many problems can be behind even except the example
that is
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 mentioned.
Although
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 it can not be driven by gathering more taxes from the wealthy altogether, it will give a slight help to the social issue.

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Task Achievement
Task Achievement: Expand your ideas more comprehensively by clearly stating the implications of the income gap on society and suggest a wider range of solutions. Ensure that each paragraph explores a unique aspect of the issue or solution.
Coherence and Cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: Work on improving the logical sequence of information and ideas. Use a range of cohesive devices effectively to connect ideas across and within paragraphs. Pay attention to paragraphing so that it is clear and logical, with each paragraph focusing on a central idea. Avoid repetition and be concise.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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