IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The line graph shows visitor number to 5 attractions in the city of Parkvale from 1996 to 2016.

The line chart illustrates the
number
Use synonyms
 of attendances to five attractions in
Parkvle
Correct your spelling
Parkville
 over the period between 1996 and 2016.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
visitors
Use synonyms
 to
aquarium
Correct article usage
the aquarium
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 and state zoo experienced a gradual decrease, meanwhile
national
Correct article usage
the national
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 gallery and
indigenous
Correct article usage
the indigenous
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 art centre showed an upward trend.
Whereas
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 the others recorded
a
Correct article usage
apply
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significant changes, the attendance
to
Change preposition
at
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museum
Correct article usage
the museum
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 recorded a minor movement over time. In 1996, the indigenous art
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
Use synonyms
visitors
Check wording
apply
show examples
began at below 100
people
Use synonyms
, which was followed by a consistent increase to nearly 400 in 2004.
Alhough
Correct your spelling
Although
 the
number
Use synonyms
 dropped to approximately 210 individuals, it rose to around 270
visitors
Use synonyms
 by 2016.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the national gallery attendances started at 300
people
Use synonyms
, and
thereafter
Linking Words
 edged up to about 330
people
Use synonyms
 in the following year. After the figure
soaring
Wrong verb form
soared
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 to over 800
visitors
Use synonyms
 in 2004, it
decline
Wrong verb form
declined
show examples
 moderately. From 2008 onwards, the
number
Use synonyms
 climbed steadily and hit a peak of roughly 930
people
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. Turning to the aquarium and state zoo
visitors
Use synonyms
, they accounted for around 500 and 320
visitors
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respectively
Punctuation problem
, respectively
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in
Punctuation problem
, in
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 the first year. Despite some minor
fluctuation
Punctuation problem
fluctuation,
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 the
number
Use synonyms
 declined gradually to approximately 80 and 110
visitors
Use synonyms
 in 2016.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the museum
visitors
Use synonyms
 recorded at roughly 450
people
Use synonyms
 in 1996, and
thereafter
Linking Words
 it remained stable until the remaining years.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "thereafter".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, visitors, people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "decline" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "roughly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "gradual" was used 2 times.
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