IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

With an increasing population communicating via internet and text messaging, face to face communication will become thing of past. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

As technology develops, nothing remains untouched, and the
way
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 of
communication
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 is no exception.
While
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 some opine that, thanks to virtual meetings through online platforms, in-person
communication
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 is wiped out completely, from my perspective, being around others makes a valuable contribution to improving mental well-being, and I completely disagree with
this
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 viewpoint. On the one hand, the internet has revolutionised our lives in many aspects. To clarify, nowadays, as
people
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 have access to the World Wide Web when they are sitting at home, they can make a video call and talk to their family members on their mobile phones, rather than spending a vast amount of
time
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 dropping by their houses.
Moreover
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, it allows those who are living far from their loved ones they can be stay connected through telecommunication at a low cost, regardless of their locations.
On the other hand
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, the traditional
way
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 of
communication
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 is too important to be overlooked by individuals. There is a definite link between dropping others' houses and boosting mood.
This
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 provides the chance for many to relieve their stress and anxiety by spending
time
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 beside those who care about them, since they can talk over a lot of topics, play traditional games, and even serve meals around each other.
As a result
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, they can stop themselves from overthinking.
Moreover
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, in
this
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way
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, they can socialise with new
people
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, which plays a crucial role in preventing mental issues
due to
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 isolation and being far away from real
people
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, since they can spend quality
time
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 in person.
Hence
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, face-to-face visits should be a priority for many in
this
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 modern life, because they do not have enough
time
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 to be beside each other. In conclusion,
although
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 modern gadgets and tools make our lives much easier, they do not necessarily mean they can completely replace the traditional
way
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 of
communication
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. In my view, underestimating the importance of spending
time
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beside
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with
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 real
people
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 for our mental health is not logical.

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task response
Your view is clear, but you still need to answer the task well by saying how far you agree or disagree and why. Start with your view in one line and give clear reasons.
coherence cohesion
Use simple links to join ideas, like and, but, also, however, for example. This helps the flow of your text.
coherence cohesion
Make a plan in your writing: intro with your view, body 1 with reason, body 2 with reason, and a short conclusion restating your view.
task response
Careful with grammar and word use. For instance, fix 'they can be stay connected' to 'they can stay connected' and 'dropping others' houses' to 'visiting others' or 'going to see friends'.
task response
Give more simple examples that show how in-person talk helps mood; show why online chat can’t fully replace it.
strength
Clear view: you say you disagree with the idea that face-to-face talk will end.
strength
Good structure: intro, two bodies, and a conclusion.
strength
Use of simple words makes it easy to read.
strength
Some good links and real life feel included in the text.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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