IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Space exploration is much too expensive and the money should be spent on more important things. What is your opinion?

There is a controversy that the government should use the
money
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 spent on exploring
space
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 on more essential things, given how pricey they are. In my opinion, it is a valid argument , and in
this
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 essay, I’m going to state my agreement and explain my reasoning.
Firstly
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, it is known that the funds used for
this
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 activity and research mostly come from the amount of taxes paid by citizens of a country. It would be most convenient to try to minimise the main struggles of residents with the
money
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 earned from their immense work. To give an illustration, cancer remains one of the deadliest diseases worldwide. Despite
this
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, a definitive cure has yet to be discovered. In today’s rapidly changing world, it is a shame that a major cause of death globally is still without an effective cure. Naturally, the process of searching for a cure requires a large amount of
money
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as well as
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 the studies done
on
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in
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space
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.
For instance
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, the government spends approximately a million in a year, solely for
space
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 purposes.
Whereas
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, there have not been established answers to whether scientists are being funded sufficiently to do research on cancer.
Furthermore
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, in a world where we are dealing with
a
Correct article usage
apply
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growing global warming, it is not beneficial to support
space
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 exploration
that is
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 mostly possible with spaceships.
That is
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 to say, the energy used for the preparation of a rocket and its journey to
space
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 is found to be harmful to the Earth. I believe a more effective way of spending that
money
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 would be to create organisations solely for saving the earth, and trying to minimise the damage done to our planet. As an example, there are many campaigns in need of proper funding, with the main goal of advertising various ways of being helpful to the world. In conclusion, it is crucial for the government to pay attention to the needs of residents, and spend the large
money
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 for a better cause, rather than
space
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 exploration

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task response
Strengthen task response by giving more clear and full reasons and a stronger final point.
content
Add more and better examples that link to the point.
coherence
Improve organisation: put each idea in its own paragraph and start with a topic sentence.
grammar
Check grammar and fix phrasing that is unclear.
style
Use plain words and short sentences to keep message simple.
conclusion
Make conclusion restate view and sum up main reasons.
strength
Clear view is shown on the topic.
strength
Link words help flow of text.
content
The essay talks about real life issues like cancer and climate.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • exorbitant
  • myriad
  • pressing issues
  • allocated
  • advances
  • direct results
  • pave the way
  • uninhabitable
  • inspirational aspects
  • fuels innovation
  • shared goal
  • intellectual capital
  • budget overruns
  • tangible benefits
  • rationale
  • dedicating
  • returns on investment
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