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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that online education is better than traditional education. Do you agree or disagree

Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that online
education
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 is more effective than traditional classroom learning.
While
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 online
education
Use synonyms
 offers flexibility and accessibility, I partly disagree with
this
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 view because traditional
education
Use synonyms
 provides essential face-to-face interaction,
although
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 online learning can be beneficial for certain groups of
people
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
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, one important reason why I disagree that online
education
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 is better is that it limits face-to-face communication between students and teachers. In traditional classrooms, learners can actively participate in discussions, ask questions immediately, and exchange ideas with their classmates.
In contrast
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, online learning often reduces interaction, which can make lessons less engaging.
As a result
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, students may feel isolated, become bored, and gradually lose interest in the subject.
However
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, online
education
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 can be highly effective for specific individuals.
For example
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,
people
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 living in remote or rural areas may not have easy access to schools or universities. In
such
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 cases, online learning allows them to continue their
education
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 without relocating.
Moreover
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, it is
also
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 a practical option for mothers with young children who cannot attend regular classes. Through online platforms, they can study from home
while
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 managing family responsibilities. In conclusion,
although
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 online
education
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 has clear advantages, it cannot fully replace traditional classroom learning
due to
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 the lack of direct interaction.
Therefore
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, online
education
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 is suitable for certain groups of
people
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, but traditional
education
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 remains more effective for
overall
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 learning.

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improvement
Plan your answer. Make one idea per paragraph and say what you think at the start, then give a reason and an example.
improvement
Use a stronger link from one idea to the next. Words like 'also', 'but', 'therefore' help the flow.
improvement
Add more clear examples or facts to show how online learning can be better for some people, and why this does not beat full class work for all.
advice
Check that each paragraph has a main idea in a clear sentence at the start.
strength
The essay shows a clear view on the topic.
strength
There is good use of linking words to connect ideas.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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