IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Unhealthy eating has a negative effect on both individuals and the society in which they live. Some people think that the government should tax unhealthy foods while others believe that a ‘fat tax’ is unfair and unnecessary. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Eating unhealthy
food
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 has been noted to affect the
consumers
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 and the community in which they reside. Whilst many argue that a ‘fat
tax
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’ is not necessary as it might make the
consumers
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 feel cheated, I believe that the Government should
tax
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 these foods, as
this
Linking Words
 can lead to a reduction in the
consumption
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 rate. On the one hand,
people
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 should have the right to consume any
food
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 of their choice without feeling cheated. Imposing
tax
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 on unhealthy
food
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 can feel like cheating for those who consume it.
This
Linking Words
 is because other
food
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 items that are considered to be healthy are not taxed, so
people
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 who eat
food
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 good for their health will be charged less than
people
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 who eat harmful
food
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. It would seem like the Government is playing favouritism.
For example
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, teenagers who are given pocket money might only be able to afford good
food
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 and will miss out on burgers and fries, which they enjoy because of affordability.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, taxing
food
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that is
Linking Words
 not healthy can lead to low
consumption
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, which, in turn, would reduce diseases. Most
people
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 buy affordable
food
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 for every day and buy expensive
food
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 occasionally.
This
Linking Words
 means that if
tax
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 is added, the prices of the unhealthy
food
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 will rise
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 not many
people
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 will be able to afford it.
In addition
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, it is important to note that as prices increase, demand reduces. I believe that
this
Linking Words
 is the best way to cut down
consumption
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 of bad
food
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. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 imposing a fat
tax
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 can lead to the
consumers
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 feeling cheated, as they will be unable to afford the
food
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 they want, I believe
this
Linking Words
tax
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 will reduce the
consumption
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 rate, and
this
Linking Words
 will be of great benefit to the
consumers
Use synonyms
 and the community.

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task
Explain both views with a bit more clear link to the topic and add more real life examples.
coherence
Use clearer steps to connect ideas. The use of simple linking words like also, but, and can help.
grammar
Watch grammar. Check subject verb in long sentences and keep word order simple.
structure
Finish with a clear final view that ties to the topic.
content
Add more detail on how a tax can cut bad eating and what you hope to happen.
content
You show a view and talk about both sides.
structure
The essay has a clear plan: intro, body, and end.
examples
There is some useful example used.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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