IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart show attendance of people in different ages in music event 2006. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main points and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart provided information about participants of various ages in
music
Use synonyms
events
Use synonyms
 by 2006.
Overall
Linking Words
,
It
Fix capitalization
it
show examples
 can be seen that young
age
Use synonyms
 of children had
Correct article usage
an interests
show examples
interests
Fix the agreement mistake
interest
show examples
about
Change preposition
in
show examples
 popular
music
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
events
Punctuation problem
events,
show examples
while
Linking Words
old
Correct word choice
older
show examples
age
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
 had the lowest keen
about
Change preposition
in
show examples
 popular
music
Use synonyms
events
Use synonyms
. In detail, teenagers and
mid
Use the right word
mid-aged
show examples
age
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
likes
Correct subject-verb agreement
like
show examples
 to attend popular
music
Use synonyms
events
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 the
age
Use synonyms
 of 15 and 24 category
people
Use synonyms
 mostly join
music
Use synonyms
events
Use synonyms
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 was 38
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
Punctuation problem
. Then
show examples
then
Linking Words
age
Use synonyms
 of 25 to 34
people
Use synonyms
 joined
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 event
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 was 27
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
Punctuation problem
. Also
show examples
also
Linking Words
 35 to 44 attended
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
event
Punctuation problem
event,
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 was 33
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
. After
Use synonyms
age
Correct article usage
the age
show examples
Change preposition
of 45
show examples
45
Punctuation problem
45,
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 lose
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
interest
Use synonyms
about
Change preposition
in
show examples
 popular
music
Use synonyms
events
Use synonyms
 and their
interest
Use synonyms
 slightly
declined
Wrong verb form
declines
show examples
 to 5
precent
Correct your spelling
per cent
 at the
age
Use synonyms
55
Change preposition
of 55
show examples
. Respectively, Classical
music
Use synonyms
events
Use synonyms
 had the lowest
interest
Use synonyms
 and
Use synonyms
age
Correct article usage
the age
show examples
25
Check wording
group 25
show examples
 to 34
was
Verb problem
had
show examples
 the lowest which was 8
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
Punctuation problem
. Also
show examples
Linking Words
also
Punctuation problem
also,
show examples
 it remained
Correct article usage
the
show examples
same percentage at the
age
Use synonyms
 of 55
Linking Words
moreover
Punctuation problem
. moreover
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
age
Replace the word
aged
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
25
people
Use synonyms
intersted
Correct your spelling
interested
around
Change preposition
in around
show examples
 8
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Classical
music
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 it
was
Verb problem
apply
show examples
gradually increased after
againg
Check wording
that
show examples
people
Use synonyms
.
In
Change preposition
At
show examples
young
Correct article usage
a young
show examples
age
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 had less
interest
Use synonyms
about
Change preposition
in
show examples
 Opera
music
Use synonyms
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
when
Correct word choice
as
show examples
 they
Wrong verb form
aged
show examples
ageing
Punctuation problem
ageing,
show examples
 their
interest
Use synonyms
 quickly
incresed
Correct your spelling
increased
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 was 13
precent
Correct your spelling
per cent
 in
Use synonyms
age
Correct article usage
the age
show examples
 of 15 to 24
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 it was raised to 14 in
Use synonyms
age
Correct article usage
the age
show examples
 of 25 to 34
Punctuation problem
. Then
show examples
Linking Words
then
Punctuation problem
then,
show examples
 it
was
Verb problem
apply
show examples
rapidly
incresed
Correct your spelling
increased
 to 25
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in the
age
Use synonyms
 of 35 to 44
after
Punctuation problem
. After
show examples
Use synonyms
age
Correct article usage
the age
show examples
 of 45
their
Punctuation problem
, their
show examples
interest
Use synonyms
about
Change preposition
in
show examples
 Opera
has
Verb problem
apply
show examples
slightly reduced.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words music, events, age, people, percent, interest with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 7 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • attendance
  • age group
  • bar chart
  • highest
  • lowest
  • more
  • less
  • comparison
  • by age
  • among
  • overall
  • trend
  • rise
  • fall
  • peak
  • gap
  • pattern
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