IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think young people should be required to have full time education until they are at least 18 years old. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, many aspects of life have changed compared to the past, and one of the most influential changes is the rise of
education
Use synonyms
. Some people believe
Correct word choice
that full
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full
Use the right word
full-time
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time
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education
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compulsory
Verb problem
is compulsory
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 for all young people until they are at least 18
years
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 old.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss
this
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 issue and present my opinion.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
education
Use synonyms
 is significant for our life, because it helps children
for
Change preposition
to
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 know
main
Correct article usage
the main
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 information
that
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is
Verb problem
helps
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 grow
brain
Correct article usage
the brain
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 and
helping
Wrong verb form
helps
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 in
take
Use the right word
make
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right
Correct article usage
the right
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 decision about their
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
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that
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 face in the future.
it
Fix capitalization
It
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 is
also
Linking Words
 possible to say that there
are
Verb problem
is are
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 main
education
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everybody
Correct pronoun usage
that everybody
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need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
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it
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apply
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.
Moreover
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, learning
is build
Wrong verb form
builds
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 good brains,
thus
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 the society will
be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
become advanced.
For example
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, the advanced countries
such
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 as the US, UK, and Australia have quality
education
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.
On the other hand
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, if we study students until 18
years
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 old, it may probably waste their
time
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, because
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 could
him
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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study some subjects without benefit
return
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apply
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to them.
In addition
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, when students study
full
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full-time
show examples
time
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 until 18
years
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 old, they might
do
Verb problem
apply
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not have enough
time
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 for their hobbies,
hence
Linking Words
 we may have deprived them of their freedom.
For instance
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, recent studies have shown that if children can not practice their hobbies in
Linking Words
firstly
Correct pronoun usage
their firstly
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years
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, they probably
dufficult
Correct your spelling
difficult
 to
liveing
Correct your spelling
maintain
balance
Correct article usage
a balance
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life
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in life
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. By way of conclusion, after
analysis
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analysing
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this
Linking Words
 issue and
mentioned
Wrong verb form
mentioning
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 some benefits and some
drawback
Fix the agreement mistake
drawbacks
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 for
full
Use the right word
full-time
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time
Use synonyms
education
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 until 18
years
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. In my
Check wording
opinion
show examples
point
Add a comma
point,
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 I tend to balance
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
education
Punctuation problem
education,
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Linking Words
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 is basic
education
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, and
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
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 have enough
time
Use synonyms
 for hobbies.

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structure
Plan your essay. Make a short plan with 3 ideas. Put the plan in the intro and the end.
coherence
Make links clear. Use words like and, but, then to show order.
language
Fix basic mistakes. Use simple word options and keep grammar in check.
content
The essay shows a clear view and has an intro and a conclusion.
content
The writer gives some reasons why education can help people.
content
The essay tries to use examples.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • fundamental cornerstone
  • literacy and numeracy
  • social inequalities
  • foundation of knowledge
  • social mobility
  • informed and engaged citizenry
  • democratic processes
  • youth crime rates
  • productive activities
  • vocational training
  • workforce
  • stifling individual talent
  • economic contribution
  • stress and mental health issues
  • unsuitable educational system
  • one-size-fits-all approach
  • diverse talents
  • career paths
  • formal academic education
  • financial strains
  • low-income countries
  • improving quality of education
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