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Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people believe that famous celebrities are poor role models for teenagers, while others think that they can be a source of inspiration. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of celebrities as role models for young people.

Some
role
Use synonyms
 models have different impacts
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the
people
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, especially
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the younger
generations
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. In some ways
famous
Punctuation problem
, famous
show examples
people
Use synonyms
,
celebrities
Use synonyms
,
athletes
Use synonyms
, as we call “our
role
Use synonyms
 models”, form and say how we should live, enjoy
life
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 and what we should aim for. In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I will talk about whether famous
celebrities
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,
athletes
Use synonyms
 are poor
role
Use synonyms
 models or
people
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 whose path we should follow.
Firstly
Linking Words
, famous
celebrities
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 and
athletes
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show
Use synonyms
 how important dedication and practice are. They often say : “Never give up”, which is true, because only with
self mindedness
Check wording
self-motivation
show examples
 and fully believing in yourself can you achieve your goals.
For example
Linking Words
, successful
people
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 and
athletes
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 often
show
Use synonyms
 their routine, how they wake up at 5 in the morning, work for 2-3 hours non-stop, sometimes fail, sometimes succeed.
However
Linking Words
, the main point is that they
show
Use synonyms
 persistence, never give up on their dreams and believe in their work.
Moreover
Linking Words
, if you are really interested in them, their routine and
life
Use synonyms
, it becomes a great
role
Use synonyms
 model that you can follow daily.
Secondly
Linking Words
, famous
people
Use synonyms
 can
show
Use synonyms
 what to do in
life
Use synonyms
 and how to be healthy. Maybe they are suggesting what to eat, how to build muscle,
how
Correct word choice
and how
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 to have strong mental health so you do not break at any point of pressure.
For instance
Linking Words
, some
high level
Use the right word
high-level
show examples
athletes
Use synonyms
 may suggest that you try their diet and training schedule just to see what happens to you, your body.
Moreover
Linking Words
, famous
celebrities
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 have met a great deal of
people
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 and could know some psychologists or places to relax or just find ways to help you. We talk about advantages,
Linking Words
however
Punctuation problem
however,
show examples
 what about disadvantages? Is there any?
Firstly
Linking Words
, famous
people
Use synonyms
 could post their everyday
life
Use synonyms
 on social media, but when you look at it a few times, it looks too good to be true. Sometimes, not always, famous
people
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 post their
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 with photoshopped and not real images on the internet. Their
life
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 social media does not always reflect reality.
So
Punctuation problem
So,
show examples
 especially younger
generations
Use synonyms
 will try to copy and live that false, created
life
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, which will be impossible. Particularly, when some famous lunatic posts about his
AI created
Use the right word
AI-created
show examples
 everyday
life
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, there
always will
Correct word order
will always
show examples
 be
people
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 believe it and try to reflect that
life
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.
Secondly
Linking Words
, sometimes famous
celebrities
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 or
athletes
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 can
show
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and
Correct word choice
or
show examples
do
Verb problem
exhibit
show examples
 bad
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 or spread negative ideas. Younger
generations
Use synonyms
 are always seeking
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
fun and entertainment, so when some famous
celebrities
Use synonyms
 or
athletes
Use synonyms
 come up with a new negative and unacceptable idea, younger
generations
Use synonyms
 will definitely try to experience or
intimidate
Verb problem
imitate
show examples
 it. To illustrate,
some
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
 well-known person came up with an idea to arson every car in the old town. Some teenagers or
overall
Linking Words
 younger
generations
Use synonyms
 will think : “Why not?
Lets
Use the right word
Let's
show examples
 do
this
Linking Words
”. In
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 blink of an
eye
Add a comma
eye,
show examples
 the “new trend” to burn cars in the old town spread quickly
through
Change preposition
among
show examples
 teenagers. It shows how some
celebrities
Use synonyms
 negatively influence younger
generations
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.
To sum up
Linking Words
, famous
celebrities
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,
athletes
Use synonyms
 can lead you to your goals, dreams, and can
show
Use synonyms
 you how to live a healthy
life
Use synonyms
, be mentally strong and are perfect
role
Use synonyms
 models to look
after
Change preposition
up to
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, some famous
people
Use synonyms
 and
athletes
Use synonyms
 can lead you down a dangerous path, influence you to do awful things and not live your
life
Use synonyms
 fully.

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planning
Make a plan before you write. Put the idea in order: intro, two or three body parts, and a short ending.
content
Stay on the topic. Do not add wrong or harmful acts. Use only safe and clear examples.
coherence
Use simple link words to show ideas connect, like first, also, but, and, finally.
task response
Give equal space to both good and bad sides. show balance in view.
content
The essay has a clear idea and a two sided view.
coherence
Examples show effort to explain points.
structure
Introduction and conclusion present.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • role model
  • celebrity
  • teenager
  • influence
  • inspiration
  • example
  • behavior
  • attitude
  • hard work
  • talent
  • success
  • charity
  • responsibility
  • media
  • image
  • reality
  • balance
  • critical thinking
  • guidance
  • peer pressure
  • privacy
  • fame
  • money
  • ethics
  • kindness
  • resilience
  • discipline
  • goal
  • study
  • sport
  • health
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