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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that children should be taught to be competitive in school, while others think that cooperation is more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In education debates, some people argue that teachers in primary and secondary schools should be arranged to teach
students
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 more aggressively to pursue their performance rather than cooperate with their classmates to achieve a goal. I would like to discuss these two options in detail and give my opinion on which option I would prefer. For the first option,
students
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 who are taught to be competitive tend to be more motivated to gain what they want.
Students
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 are thinking of how to excel in academic results. They may do research to accomplish their goal. When they graduate from college, they will have the motivation and passion to face the challenges in their careers.
As a result
Linking Words
, they will be more resilient to adapt to the changing world. For the second option,
students
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 who are taught to be cooperative can be more tendency to share information and support peers in society. Those factors would be essential for people in a harmonious society. People in our society are not
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
, but are in groups. We have to do a large project in a group rather than in person. One person's power is not sufficient to bring huge success
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 a company. Cooperation skills would
also
Linking Words
 help
students
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 foster empathy, which lets them understand others in hardship conditions.
Finally
Linking Words
, I would like to discuss which options I prefer to be taught in school. I think both of the options are essential for us in future.
Students
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 can be taught to be in healthy competition to build up their self-esteem after winning a game. At the same time, they may teach to be a valued cooperation to promote a high quality of discussion and sharing in groups. Understanding other needs and values through cooperation would lead to good leadership in future.

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task achievement
The essay covers both views and gives an opinion, which is a good start. Try to add a clearer, more direct stance in the end and give one simple example for each idea to show more detail.
coherence
Make each paragraph start with a clear sentence that states the main idea. This helps readers follow what you say.
coherence
Use shorter sentences in places to make ideas easy to read. Divide long lines into two or three shorter thoughts.
structure
Your essay has a clear plan: intro, two views, and a closing.
coherence
You use linking words like 'For the first option' and 'For the second option' to show turn in ideas.
content
You show both sides and give ideas on why each view may help in life.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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