IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

In many countries, young people leave their parents' home in their early twenties and go on to live on their own, while others prefer to stay with their families until a later age. Do you think the advantages of young people living with their parents for longer outweigh the disadvantages?

Nowadays, the question of whether young
people
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 should live with their
parents
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 until a later age has been widely discussed.
Whereas
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 some
people
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 argue it is beneficial to live with your
parents
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 until a later age, others believe it is better to leave in your early twenties .
Although
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 becoming independent may be a challenging experience, I strongly believe that the disadvantages of young
people
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 living with their
parents
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 clearly outweigh the advantages. I consider one major disadvantage is that staying at home for too long may delay the development of independence and essential life skills
such
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 as decision-making and self-discipline.
For example
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,
people
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 living with their
parents
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 do not have to worry about their daily duties and responsibilities,
such
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 as doing the household chores or paying the bills.
As a consequence
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, they will always depend on someone to do these activities for them. Another significant drawback is that, if you live with your
parents
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, you do not have the possibility of creating your own family because you do not have enough intimacy to grow up with a partner and have children. To illustrate
this
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, the birth rate in Spain has significantly decreased in the
last
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 20 years, and experts believe
this
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 is
due to
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 the large number of young
people
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 living with their
parents
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.
On the other hand
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, there are some advantages.
For instance
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, you have more financial security as your expenses are lower if you do not have to pay the rent, leading to the possibility of saving money that can be used for your studies or your own mortgage. In conclusion,
while
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 staying with
parents
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 for longer can provide some economic benefits, the development of independence and self-responsibility when you live independently is more substantial. When managed responsibly,
this
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 arrangement can better prepare young
people
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 for a secure and successful future, making its disadvantages outweigh the potential benefits.

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structure
Explain one main idea in each paragraph with a clear topic sentence.
structure
Give the ideas in a steady order, then end with a short final idea.
arguments
Add more good examples to back up each point.
grammar
Check grammar and make most sentences clear and short.
cohesion
Use simple link words to show cause, result, and turn.
content
Clear start with a direct answer to the question.
content
Good try to talk about both sides and give a view.
structure
There is a fair flow and use of some link words.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • stay with family
  • live at home
  • young people
  • parents
  • advantages
  • disadvantages
  • save money
  • cost of living
  • rent
  • bills
  • independence
  • privacy
  • support
  • guidance
  • family
  • stress
  • calm
  • safety
  • study
  • work
  • university
  • college
  • career
  • plan
  • budget
  • money
  • future
  • home life
  • household chores
  • cooking
  • cleaning
  • move out
  • time to think
  • culture
  • customs
  • decision
  • choice
  • tension
  • conflict
  • life skills
  • development
  • balance
  • move forward
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