IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that watching TV causes weight problems in children .Do you agree with this view? What solutions can you suggest to tackle children's weight problems?

It is often argued that watching television contributes to weight challenges in young people. I agree with
this
Linking Words
 view because
children
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 tend to consume more food
while
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 enjoying TV shows, and suggest reducing the amount of
time
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 spent in front of the
screen
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, among other solutions. One cannot overlook the fact that
screen
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time
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 confines the young to the house, leading to a great deal of entices for snacking. When locked in the house, they frequently open the food drawers and are easily attracted to sweet and refined foods that cause obesity. In many industrialised nations, adults tend to use the television as a substitute for active parenting so as to afford themselves more
time
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 to do paid work and household responsibilities.
While
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this
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 is a practically beneficial strategy, it comes with unforeseen health consequences,
such
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 as weight gain in childhood. Despite the challenges discussed above, several strategies can be implemented in order to tackle
children
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's weight-gain problems,
such
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 as limiting
time
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 on television. Parents can limit the
time
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 young people spend watching programs, so as to simultaneously reduce their chances of snacking.
This
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 could be done through organising more play groups where kids can spend
time
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 playing in the outdoors, with parents taking turns to supervise.
This
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 approach has proved effective for working adults in several developed nations in lowering
screen
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time
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 and
consequently
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 contributing to healthier living for their
children
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. In conclusion, the cause-and-effect relationship of watching TV and weight gain in
children
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 cannot be disputed, since the former confines the young population in the home, where they face higher temptations to eat.
Therefore
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, proactive strategies are required to limit
screen
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time
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 and encourage more playtime in outside environments.

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improvement
Add more exact steps and facts. Give 1 or 2 clear ideas for how to cut screen time or help kids eat less when they watch TV.
structure
Plan your essay as three parts: view first, then reasons, then a short set of actions. End with a small closing line.
linking
Use easy join words to connect ideas, such as first, then, also, so, therefore.
content
Your view is clear from the start.
structure
There is a plan to limit TV time and add more outdoor play.
content
You use common ideas that readers can follow.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • weight
  • children
  • TV
  • watch
  • time
  • cause
  • problem
  • agree
  • view
  • solution
  • limit
  • reduce
  • eat
  • food
  • snack
  • exercise
  • play
  • walk
  • bike
  • outdoor
  • sleep
  • routine
  • family
  • meal
  • break
  • ads
  • junk
  • healthy
  • active
  • show
  • move
  • plan
  • school
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