Some sports are extremely dangerous for those who play them. Why do people participate in such sports? What measures could they take to minimize the risk involved?

It is often argued that

people

Use synonyms

should become more careful

while

Linking Words

playing their enjoyed

sports

Use synonyms

because they get injured. There is a saying, “

Injuries

Use synonyms

never tell before they arrive”, which means players do not have a chance to know they are in danger of suffering. The main reason why

people

Use synonyms

are keen on

this

Linking Words

type of sport is that it gives them an adrenaline rush.

People

Use synonyms

should take some

safety

Use synonyms

measures to prevent

injuries

Use synonyms

. Nowadays,

people

Use synonyms

's lifestyles are getting more repetitive.

Hence

Linking Words

, they seek excitement in their everyday life. The feeling of being at risk releases lots of adrenaline and oxytocine , which may be addictive to some.

For instance

Linking Words

, snowboarding is getting more popular among the youth in Mongolia

Punctuation problem

apply

show examples

because of the feeling it gives. Even though snowboarding is an extreme sport which may lead to spine injury, the feeling of being free and the excitement make them choose the danger. There are many ways to prevent

injuries

Use synonyms

Firstly

Linking Words

, there are many tools that prevent hazards during a game.

People

Use synonyms

should wear

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

safety

Use synonyms

equipment to prevent

injuries

Use synonyms

For instance

Linking Words

people

Use synonyms

often worry about

safety

Use synonyms

equipment after they have already suffered some

injuries

Use synonyms

Therefore

Linking Words

, we should learn about using

safety

Use synonyms

equipment to prevent injury.

Secondly

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, in recent years, lots of new arenas, halls,

Use synonyms

sports

Correct word choice

and sports

show examples

centres have been built.

However

Linking Words

, these new

sports

Use synonyms

constructions should have their own

doctors

Use synonyms

for ambulances. If treatment is not taken by

doctors

Use synonyms

in a

proper

Correct word choice

timely

show examples

time

Check wording

manner

show examples

injuries

Use synonyms

may get worse.

In particular

Linking Words

doctors

Use synonyms

say that lots of

people

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are suffering

that

Correct pronoun usage

who

show examples

could have been treated already , because they did not get the correct treatment at the correct time.

According to

Linking Words

that,

sports

Use synonyms

centres should have their

doctors

Use synonyms

for players' health.

To conclude

Linking Words

people

Use synonyms

should play their favourite

sports

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without being afraid of getting injured.

For

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

reason, players must be ready with any possible danger

Punctuation problem

;

show examples

furthermore

Linking Words

, any gyms or

sports

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centres should prepare

safety

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techniques to play. In

this

Linking Words

way,

people

Use synonyms

can minimise the risk.

solongotaishir

Jan 4, 2026

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structure

Add a clear plan in the intro. Say what you will cover.

coherence

Use simple link words to show order and links between ideas.

organization

Keep each paragraph about one main idea and add a brief note on how to stop injuries.

grammar

Write short sentences. avoid long, hard to read lines.

accuracy

Check spelling and word use (for example, oxytocin and ambulance).

task response

Give a stronger example or fact to back up each point.

conclusion

End with a clear conclusion that restates your view and lists the safety steps.

idea

The idea to explain why people take part in risky sport is clear.

content

The essay shows some useful safety ideas.

example

The use of an example (snowboarding) is on topic.

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13
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

332 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

adrenaline rush
thrill-seeking
physical and mental boundaries
peer pressure
media influence
cultural norms
livelihood
extensive training
state-of-the-art
safety equipment
governing bodies
regulations
supervision
risk assessment
emergency plans
minimize risks

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Some sports are extremely dangerous for those who play them. Why do people participate in such sports? What measures could they take to minimize the risk involved?

Although families have influence on a children’s development, factors outside the home play a bigger part in their lives nowadays. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Many people feel that most of the urgent problems can only be solved by international cooperation. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some students work while studying. This often results in lacking time for education and constantly feeling under pressure. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?

Some people believe that individuals can do little to improve the environment, while others think that individuals have a significant role in protecting the environment. Discuss both views and give your opinion.