IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Animals also have emotions and feel equal pain as humans. We should stop all pharmaceutical companies from doing trials on innocent animals. Give your opinion.

There is a widely circulating view in today's world that medical trials on
animals
Use synonyms
 should be stopped, as they do not consider the rights of non-human actors. I partly agree with
this
Linking Words
 view, and in
this
Linking Words
 essay, I argue that
while
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 it is prudent to promote animal rights, care should be taken not to delay medical inventions that can save human life.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, I support the narrative that
animals
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 have emotions and feel equal pain as people do. Take a look at them after one of theirs has been killed; they express grief and mourn, demonstrating that they have feelings. In most wildlife films, once the more powerful predators,
such
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 as lions, have seized or captured their victims, you can observe the emotional turmoil in play, with some
animals
Use synonyms
 trying to fight back.
Thus
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, it seems rather unfair and detrimental to their rights to imagine humanity subjecting them to forced pharmaceutical trials;
that is
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 why human and non-human relations are quickly infiltrating environmental policy discussions today.
In contrast
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,
while
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 it seems irrational to subject fauna to
such
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 treatment, there is a need to consider the positive impact of these experiments on the general
public
Check wording
public's
show examples
 health. Many diseases of the world have been put under control because of successfully experimenting with treatments on
animals
Use synonyms
. COVID-19,
for example
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, was controlled after several months of experimenting with vaccines on animal species.
This
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 was after millions of people had lost their lives to the pandemic, leading to worldwide disintegration of families, increased anxiety, and feelings of hopelessness and
dispair
Use the right word
despair
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. Humans,
therefore
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, conduct these trials to protect the human race. In conclusion, it is indisputable that non-humans are emotional and physical beings capable of feeling pain and trauma.
However
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, my opinion is that clinical experiments are still required so as to protect the world from catastrophic public health crises
such
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 as the COVID-19 pandemic.

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improvement
Be very clear on your main point in the intro and restate it in the end. A short clear view helps the reader know your stance.
improvement
Use simple, linking words to move ideas smoothly, such as 'also', 'but', 'yet', 'however'.
improvement
Give more proof for each idea. A simple fact or example helps to back up the point.
improvement
Check small errors in spelling and form, and keep sentence shape easy to read.
content
The essay shows both sides and has a clear view.
structure
The idea of balancing rights and health is clear and steady.
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