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Writing Samples
Band 6

Studies show that crime rates are lower among those with educational degrees. Therefore, the best way to reuce the crime rate is to educate criminals while they are still in prison. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
There is an ongoing debate that a recent study revealed that criminals who have an educational qualification are less likely to be involved in criminal activities.
Hence
Linking Words
, it is considered an effective measure to educate them
while
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 in prison in order to reduce crime rates. I strongly agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement because it provides
job
Use synonyms
 opportunities with regular earnings and allows them to be better citizens.
Body paragraph 1
Firstly
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, obtaining a degree offers a stable
job
Use synonyms
 and income for criminals.
This
Linking Words
 means that people are involved in criminal activities when they don't have a stable
job
Use synonyms
 and income. They commit theft or burglary to make money in order to manage their expenses ,
such
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 as paying for accommodation, food expenses, and so on.
Therefore
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, learning vocational courses
while
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 in prison gives them an opportunity to secure a
job
Use synonyms
 when they are released, which prevents them from getting involved in
further
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 offences.
For instance
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, it is evident that minor incidents
such
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 as theft and burglary were significantly reduced in India when the government introduced vocational training courses in jail.
Body paragraph 2
Furthermore
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,
such
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 learning shifts their thinking abilities and gives them a good perspective
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 life.
This
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 means that education makes them regret their actions and the disruptions caused to society.
Additionally
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, they prefer to give back to the community in order to compensate for their actions to enhance societal integration.
For example
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, a recent survey revealed that folks in rehabilitation programs show their interest towards protecting people and society by taking part in more community work.
Therefore
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,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 providing learning courses
while
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 serving sentences would prevent them from getting involved in
reoffences
Use the right word
reoffending
show examples
.
Conclusion
In conclusion, some people believe that providing education
while
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 in prison will significantly reduce crime rates. I strongly agree with
this
Linking Words
 argument as it provides an opportunity to earn a stable income and helps to understand the importance of life, which eventually reduces the crime rate.

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strength
Your answer has a clear view and you stay on topic.
improvement
Add more strong proof. Give one or two good examples that fit well.
improvement
Fix some grammar and spell small errors.
improvement
Link ideas with a clear flow from one idea to the next.
content
Clear position from start to end.
structure
Good use of 'First', 'Furthermore', 'For example' to mark points.
reasoning
Easy to read and follow reasoning.
closing
Conclude by restating view.
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