IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

As technology advances, travelling to space is likely to become an option for holidaymakers in the future. What do you think are the advantages and disadvantages of space tourism? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Конечно, вот итоговое эссе: As technology advances, travelling to
space
Use synonyms
 is likely to become an option for holidaymakers in the future. Nowadays, technology has developed significantly, and with
this
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 trend, even
space
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tourism
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 could become a reality in the future. Certainly, in my opinion,
such
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 a new type of travel offers tourists more benefits than drawbacks. The primary pro is that
travelers
Change the spelling
travellers
show examples
 can gain unforgettable and exciting experiences during a
space
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 journey.
For example
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,
such
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 a trip is
characterized
Change the spelling
characterised
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 by zero-gravity and weightlessness, which are unavailable on our planet. Of course, the experience is challenging, but at the same time, it allows people to test themselves and transform their perception; overcoming
space
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 sickness can be seen as a personal success.
Besides
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 that,
space
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tourism
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 opens new job opportunities, as it is necessary to have a large number of employees. A great analogy would be an airport. The professions and roles found in airports will probably exist for
space
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 travel
too
Punctuation problem
, too
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.
Such
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 professions include engineers, support staff, cooks, and customs officers, though in a
space
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 context.
Hence
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,
space
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tourism
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 lets people not only experience memorable emotions but
also
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 considerably
extends
Correct subject-verb agreement
extend
show examples
 employment prospects.
However
Linking Words
, an obvious disadvantage is
health
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 risks. Even now, not everyone is able to become an astronaut, as it is necessary to have perfect
health
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 and physical condition. High g-forces, isolation, long periods in zero gravity, and high stress levels require top physical
health
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 and fitness.
Therefore
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,
such
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 requirements would be demanded for tourists as well.
As a result
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, not everyone could fly to
space
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Punctuation problem
, or
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or
Correct word choice
and
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 some
health
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 problems may exist during the trip. A
further
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 major disadvantage is ecological problems
including
Punctuation problem
, including
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 rocket fuel
emission
Fix the agreement mistake
emissions
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 that pollute the atmosphere and increase
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
space
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 debris. In conclusion,
space
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tourism
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 has some significant benefits
like
Punctuation problem
, like
show examples
 gaining
wonderful
Correct article usage
a wonderful
show examples
 life experience and creating additional jobs.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are some disadvantages
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as
health
Use synonyms
 issues and ecological challenges.

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structure
Plan your essay with a short intro that states your view, then two or three main points, and finish with a clear ending.
coherence
Make the link between ideas smoother. Use simple connect words like first, next, but, however, and also.
content
Add more clear examples or facts to back up each idea for stronger support.
grammar
Check grammar and word choice. Use common, simple words and short sentences.
structure
Keep the tone even and avoid big jumps in ideas. Each paragraph should have one main idea.
Strength
The essay shows a balanced view by giving both sides.
Coherence
Clear use of some linking words like however and in conclusion.
Content
It has a real goal and a plan in place, then a final verdict.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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