IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Part 1: The charts below give information about players of electronic games in South Korea in 2003.

The graphs provide information about South Korean players'
age
Use synonyms
, gender and type of
games
Use synonyms
 they like in 2003.
Overall
Linking Words
, there
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 slight balance in the proportion of different
age
Use synonyms
 groups. And males were
dominant
Correct article usage
the dominant
show examples
 figure in gender balance. There were 6 main popular categories of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
video
games
Use synonyms
, where action
games
Use synonyms
 on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
first place and roleplay
games
Use synonyms
 on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
last
Linking Words
 place. As the graph shows, there were
not
Rephrase
no
show examples
 big differences between
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the age
show examples
age
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
show examples
 of gamers. Young-aged gamers, who were under 18
years
Punctuation problem
years,
show examples
 made up
largest
Correct article usage
the largest
show examples
 majority with 39%. Another
age
Use synonyms
 group from 18-36 years made up 38%.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, players who were above 36 years accounted for 23
percents
Use the right word
per cent
show examples
. Turning to the sex of gamers, there was
great
Correct article usage
a great
show examples
 disproportion in
this
Linking Words
 category. Men part of
game
Correct article usage
the game
show examples
 community formed majority, with 73%,
while
Linking Words
 women
responsible
Verb problem
are responsible
show examples
 for another 28%.
In addition
Linking Words
, there were 6
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
show examples
 of electronic
games
Use synonyms
 that players liked most. Action
games
Use synonyms
 were the biggest
figure
Check wording
category
show examples
 with 43%.
Compare
Wrong verb form
Compared
show examples
 to
previous
Correct article usage
the previous
show examples
 figure
Punctuation problem
, sport
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sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
games
Use synonyms
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 only half of that, with just 20%. Racing and other
games
Use synonyms
 represented 17 and 6
percents
Use the right word
per cent
show examples
, respectively.
Proportion
Correct article usage
The proportion
show examples
both for
Correct word order
for both
show examples
 role-playing and
education
Replace the word
educational
show examples
games
Use synonyms
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 at 7% in 2003.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words age, games with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "graphs" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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