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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many children these days spend their time using modern technology instead of reading books. While some people think that it is a positive trend, others believe that it is a problem. Discuss both sides and give your opinion

Urbanisation and modern life have presented
people
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 with a large number of challenges and decisions.
However
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, the crux of the matter is related to the way that
people
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 use smart tools.
While
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 some opine that it is not a good idea for children to allocate most of their
time
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 and energy to using technological devices, rather than developing positive habits, since it can cause many serious problems for them, others believe that
this
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 is the most beneficial trend for pupils. From my perspective, the effects of smart devices are too significant to be overlooked. On the one hand, the technological revolution plays a crucial role in the modern world. To clarify, gone are the days when
people
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 used to spend most of their
time
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 finding specific information in piles of books. Nowadays, thanks to the Internet, students have easy access to all sorts of information. Indeed, it has changed the quality and quantity of information to a great extent, especially for educated
people
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 who are really enthusiastic about keeping themselves up to date by reading the newest articles on websites.
Hence
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, there is no doubt that the smart and modern tools have facilitated
people
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's lives, and spending
time
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 to learn them can be really helpful in their daily lives.
On the other hand
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,
time
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 is a serious business in the world of young
people
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. In fact, childhood is the best period of one's life to shape their future positively through learning new skills, which are really necessary for them,
such
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 as learning a second language, reading books, and even learning social skills.
Therefore
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, if they spend most of their
time
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 on social platforms without any purpose, it has a lot of negative effects on their personal lives.
This
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 stops them from making progress in their learning environment, since it kills most of their
time
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 and energy.
Moreover
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,
according to
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 research conducted by a top-rated university in Iran, those children who spend most of their leisure
time
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 in the online world are more likely to suffer from a lack of concentration. So, the use of
such
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 tools should be restricted by the young
as a result
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 of their cons. In conclusion,
although
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 digital devices make a valuable contribution to make the life of school-goers much more convenient, it does not mean that they are allowed to use them without any restrictions. In my view, the cons of the technology outnumber the pros.
This
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 is why it should be limited by the young generation.

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task response
Make your view clear in the introduction and restate it in the conclusion. Give one main idea per paragraph and support it with a short example.
lexis
Use simple and common words. Avoid long phrases and hard words so your essay stays easy to read.
coherence
Link ideas with simple connectors. Start each paragraph with a topic sentence and keep a steady flow of ideas.
grammar
Check grammar and punctuation. Use shorter sentences to avoid mistakes that slow the reader.
structure
The essay keeps a clear aim to discuss both sides and give an opinion.
coherence
Two sides are shown with clear links between them (On the one hand, On the other hand).
task
The conclusion restates your view.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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