Do you believe that professional athletes make good role models for young people? Support your opinion with reasons and examples from your own knowledge-edge or experience.
Some
people
argue that professional athletes
can become good role
models
for the young generation
. I personally believe that professional athletes
can be good role
models
for young people
because they always set new records
, and lead a healthy lifestyle to maintain their physics.
Professional athletes
can be role
models
for young people
because they set new records
. Young people
follow them,
and want to be like them, which motivates young Remove the comma
apply
people
to break their records
. As a result
, it inspires the young generation
to participate in athletics. For example
, in the Saaf Games, a famous athlete from Bangladesh named Abdur Rahim broke all his previous records
when he won a gold medal in 1000-meter
race. It inspired many young Correct article usage
a 1000-meter
people
in Bangladesh to break his record, and many teenagers started learning athletics after that incident.
Moreover
, athletes
are required to maintain a healthy lifestyle, which also
can inspire the young generation
. The lives of athletes
are very disciplined and well-regulated. Such
as, they have their own diet charts, they have adequate sleep at night, and they exercise regularly to maintain their health. This
provides a guideline of good health to the young generation
and inspires them to follow. For example
, a famous athlete from China named Chen Zhang always shares his lifestyle videos in
his Instagram handle, which provides several tips about healthy eating to the young Change preposition
on
generation
of the country.
In conclusion, I personally believe that professional athletes
are role
models
because their lifestyles and performances inspire young people
.Submitted by rahman_rehana on
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coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence, consider using more varied linking words and phrases to demonstrate a wider range of connection and transition.
task achievement
Try to expand on your main ideas a bit further to provide an even clearer framework for your argument.
task achievement
Ensure to dig deeper into examples to provide more context and explanation to fully illustrate your points.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear viewpoint that is well supported with examples.
coherence cohesion
Both the introduction and conclusion are effective, framing the argument well.
task achievement
Your use of real-life examples adds strength to your argument, making your essay persuasive and engaging.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite
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