IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Today many young people spend too much of thier free time at shopping malls.This can be considered negative for young people and society generally.To what extent do you agree or disagree with the statement.

Nowadays,
new
Correct article usage
the new
show examples
 generation
prefer
Correct subject-verb agreement
prefers
show examples
 to spend their valuable
time
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
shopping at malls. It has become increasingly common in modern
society
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 new
lifesyle
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
 can
make
Verb problem
cause
show examples
 a lot of problems for youth and their behaviour in
society
Use synonyms
. I agree
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 a
long
Correct word choice
large
show examples
extend
Replace the word
extent
show examples
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
this
Linking Words
 approach
Punctuation problem
, that
show examples
that
Change preposition
as
show examples
 it may cause some issues for them, but I believe it has some benefits for
people
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 some
extend
Replace the word
extent
show examples
. It is obvious that
new
Correct article usage
the new
show examples
 generation
want
Correct subject-verb agreement
wants
show examples
 to spend their
time
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
hanging out with their friends and
go
Wrong verb form
going
show examples
 shopping to have fun and
inform
Verb problem
learn about
show examples
 new fashion trends. It may cause a lot of problems for them. When they purchase every unnecessary item at shopping malls, it leads to consumerism.
This
Linking Words
 kind of
behaviours
Fix the agreement mistake
behaviour
show examples
 is dangerous for
society
Use synonyms
 because
people
Use synonyms
 must know that moral and ethical
manner
Fix the agreement mistake
manners
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 more important than material or financial matters.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 problem leads to
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 for reading and studying
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 is critical for future
develompment
Correct your spelling
development
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, when you are in
such
Linking Words
 a
place
Punctuation problem
place,
show examples
 it may cause risky behaviour in your relationship with
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
, because you don't know strange
people
Use synonyms
 well.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, it may have some benefits for young
people
Use synonyms
. When they are in
society
Use synonyms
 and have interaction with different types of
Use synonyms
people
Punctuation problem
people,
show examples
 you find out how you should treat
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them. It is beneficial to gain social skills, especially for
you
Correct pronoun usage
your
show examples
 career.
In addition
Linking Words
, when you are in
such
Linking Words
 a place, you can improve your networking for pursuing
new
Correct article usage
a new
show examples
 job;
for instance
Linking Words
;
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
 when you know sellers in
shopping
Correct article usage
a shopping
show examples
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
center
Punctuation problem
center,
show examples
 they may invite you for
job
Correct article usage
a job
show examples
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 is
great
Correct article usage
a great
show examples
 opportunity.
Overall
Linking Words
, consumerism is one of the new modern lifestyle that make serious problems for our future and our behaviour.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, young ages are
golden
Correct article usage
a golden
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 for everyone, they should learn new skills and develop themselves to
glorify
Verb problem
excel
show examples
 in future. It's better to limit our shopping
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 our essential needs.
However
Linking Words
,
go
Wrong verb form
going
show examples
 shopping can improve your social skills and networking
Linking Words
Punctuation problem
, that
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 is so beneficial.

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task response
Have a clear view in the first line and keep it to the end. Do not waver on your main view.
coherence
Make each idea in its own paragraph with a simple lead sentence. Then add one fact or example to back it.
coherence
Link ideas with easy words like also, but, and, for example. This helps the flow.
structure
Check grammar and spelling so your ideas are easy to read.
task
Use two sides as in the task: the bad side and the good side, and end with a clear view.
content
The essay shows an attempt to discuss both bad and good sides.
content
Some ideas are clear and link to malls and youth.
structure
There is a closing line that says to limit shopping.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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