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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the disproportions in employment and projections in country A, B and C in 1980 and 2020. Analyse each chart and make comparisons to offer your conclusion.

The given bar graphs depict the proportions of different kinds of
employments
Fix the agreement mistake
employment
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including
Punctuation problem
, including
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agriculture
Use synonyms
,
industry
Use synonyms
 and
services
Use synonyms
in
Punctuation problem
, in
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 three countries between 1980 and 2020.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is evident that the majority of people in the given countries were more likely to engage in
industry
Use synonyms
, except in
country
Use synonyms
 C in 1980. Meanwhile, compared to
rest
Correct article usage
the rest
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 of the jobs, the figure
of
Change preposition
for
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services
Use synonyms
 was predicted to be significantly increased by 2020.
It is clear that
Linking Words
, in
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 1980,
country
Use synonyms
 A experienced the highest preference in
industry
Use synonyms
, which accounted for over 50%.
However
Linking Words
, its agricultural sector reported half of that proportion in the same year, accounting for nearly one-fourth.
Similarly
Linking Words
,
country
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 B showed the highest figure in
industry
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, which reported as nearly 65%,
where as
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whereas
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services
Use synonyms
 and
agriculture
Use synonyms
 recorded as approximately 25% and 10% respectively.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
country
Correct article usage
the country
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 C population were more likely to engage in
agriculture
Use synonyms
, accounting for 60% compared to other jobs. Interestingly, in 2020, all the countries predicted to have an upward trend in
services
Use synonyms
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 will be reported
the
Change preposition
as the
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 highest in
country
Use synonyms
 B, accounting for 65%.
In addition
Linking Words
, the
least
Correct word choice
lowest
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 figure was predicted in
country
Use synonyms
 B for
agriculture
Use synonyms
.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words agriculture, industry, services, country with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportions" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
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