IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

some people think that the time amd money spent on the protection of wild animals should be spent on improving human's quality of life instead. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Some people think that
time
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 and
money
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 should be spent on improving humans’
quality
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 of
life
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instead
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 of being spent on the
protection
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 of wild
animals
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. I believe that wild
animals
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also
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 need
protection
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 through financial and
time
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 investment. On the one hand, people around the world are facing a bunch of problems,
such
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 as unemployment, high housing prices, and a variety of social issues. Specifically, many social issues are occurring at present, so some of the resources that are spent on protecting wild
animals
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 should be transferred to improving human well-being.
Moreover
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, if we do not spend
money
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 on improving living conditions related to inflation and the high cost of living, more social problems may appear on the streets.
For example
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, many people cannot afford rent, daily necessities, or even food, which may lead to an increase in homelessness and robbery.
Therefore
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, spending
money
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 on improving humans’
quality
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 of
life
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 is necessary for society.
On the other hand
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, I
also
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 think that we need to spend some
money
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 on the
protection
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 of wild
animals
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. Plans to sustain animal diversity are important for the world,
such
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 as rescuing polar bears in the Arctic and other endangered
animals
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 around the world. From another perspective, wildlife reserves can help attract tourists worldwide and increase government revenue.
This
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 means that spending
money
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 and
time
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 on the
protection
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 of wild
animals
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 can
also
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 improve humans’
quality
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 of
life
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. In conclusion,
although
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 I agree that we should spend part of our
money
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 and
time
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 on improving humans’
quality
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 of
life
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, I believe that we
also
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 need to invest
time
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 and
money
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 in protecting wild
animals
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.

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tip
Your view is shown, but add more clear links back to the task over whole essay.
tip
Make the flow smooth with small words that tie ideas from one sentence to the next.
tip
Give more exact facts or examples to show your points.
tip
Check small grammar mistakes and keep simple sentences.
tip
Start each paragraph with a clear idea in one line to guide the reader.
strength
You give a view and keep a two-side talk.
strength
The essay has a simple shape: intro, two body para, and conclusion.
strength
Linking words like On the one hand and On the other hand are used.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • protect
  • wildlife
  • animals
  • time
  • money
  • spend
  • life
  • people
  • health
  • education
  • housing
  • jobs
  • future
  • nature
  • environment
  • air
  • water
  • food
  • clean
  • protect
  • care
  • plan
  • budget
  • cost
  • benefit
  • balance
  • priority
  • short-term
  • long-term
  • trade-off
  • development
  • policy
  • government
  • decision
  • two-track
  • smart
  • efficient
  • sustainable
  • ecosystem
  • pollination
  • medicine
  • tourism
  • growth
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