Some people say thay History is one of the most important school subjects. Other people think that, in today's world, subject like Science and Technology are more important than History. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
These days, a group of
people
say
history
is a necessary item in school;
however
, things value are changing because
technology
and the fields related to are developing really soon, so some
people
believe we must
study
Science
and
Technology
which are more crucial than
history
. In my opinion,
technology
and
science
are the essential categories for evolution, yet
history
teaches us the road to the goal which had been less destroyed;
as a result
, both of them are two aspects of development. On the one hand, studying
history
in school and knowing about the living and politics of the past
people
and government have some merits.
Firstly
, the evidence which happened in the past can be rapid again;
therefore
, when we
study
these kinds of happen and read about
people
's experiences and the results of their work. In fact, choose a better way with fewer issues.
For example
, Iranians in the Ghajar government had the same behaviour as the new
people
;
hence
, when we want to alter our position to a better situation we must
study
the changes that Reza Khan made in Iran.
Secondly
, when students know about their
history
,
then
they do their customs better than past and like it
due to
the fact they know the reasons for these cultures. To illustrate, In the past women in Japan had black teeth because the rich females used a lot of sugar; so , they injured third teeth;
however
, other women painted their teeth black to show they were wealthy.
On the other hand
, we must improve our knowledge of
Science
and
Technology
for some reasons. The first one, when we are involved with
Science
we can understand
Technology
faster.
In addition
, today,
Technology
is the best factor since we cannot live without it. The second one
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
is when the student studies them in school;
then
they can select
this
road for
study
, and help other
science
to upgrade them.
Submitted by maryamkazemi968 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Although the essay presents both viewpoints on the topic, the arguments could be clearer and more structured. Clarify the links between ideas and fully develop each point to ensure the reader can follow your reasoning easily.
coherence cohesion
Work on organizing your essay with clear paragraphs that each address a single idea. Ensure that your ideas flow logically from one to the next. You might consider using more transitional phrases to better connect your points.
task response
Focus on providing more detailed and relevant examples to support your arguments. Try to expand on each point to offer a more comprehensive perspective on the topic.
task response
The essay manages to discuss both viewpoints and offers a personal opinion, which is essential for addressing the task.
coherence cohesion
The introduction sets up the discussion well, providing a clear orientation to the two views on the topic.
task achievement
There are some relevant examples provided, which help to illustrate your points and support the main arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: