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Writing Samples
Band 6

The percentage of overweight children in western societies has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss the possible causes and effects of this disturbing trend and offer solution.

In the
last
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 10 years, there has been a significant increase of 20% of
children
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 who face obesity issues in many Western countries. The possible causes of
this
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 problem are fast-food consumption and a sedentary lifestyle.
This
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 can be mitigated by implementing the following solutions,
such
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 as imposing bans on processed
foods
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 and encouraging educational campaigns. The main cause of
this
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 issue is largely
due to
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 the fact of fast-food consumption. Some
children
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 are accustomed to eating processed
foods
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 that are high in salt and sugar content, leading to overweight problems.
Additionally
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, people are leading a sedentary lifestyle where they do not have time to prepare healthy meals for their
children
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.
Therefore
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, the young ones end up having packaged
foods
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,
such
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 as chips and soft drinks.
For example
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, a recent study revealed that one in every 5
children
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 is facing an obesity issue
due to
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 the practice of following unhealthy food habits.
This
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 problem can be mitigated by following the given measures.
Firstly
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, governments can impose stricter regulations on restricting packaged food items
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 that are high in saturated fats and salt content. By doing
this
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, students will automatically find healthier alternatives to satisfy their hunger. Another solution is to ensure that schools are focusing on organising educational campaigns promoting healthy eating habits.
This
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 solution will create awareness among
children
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 and cultivate good habits by choosing a balanced and healthy diet, which will significantly reduce the
overweight
Correct word choice
apply
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problems. In conclusion, the percentage of
children
Use synonyms
 who are obese has increased by 20% in Western countries , and
this
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 is largely
due to
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 the overconsumption of packaged
foods
Use synonyms
 that are rich in sodium and fat content.
This
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 can be solved by the implementation of the following practices,
such
Linking Words
 as imposing restrictions on processed
foods
Use synonyms
 and creating awareness through educational campaigns.

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task response
To raise the score, add more on the effects of obesity on health and life, and link each idea to your main point.
coherence
Make each idea in its own paragraph. Use clear topic sentences and smoother links between ideas.
coherence
Use specific examples or data, and avoid repeating same words. Keep to simple list of steps for solutions.
structure
There is a clear plan: intro, body, and conclusion.
coherence
Link words help flow from one idea to the next.
content
The topic is clear and the task is addressed.
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