You borrowed an item from your friend. While it was in your possession, it got damaged. Write a letter to your friend. In your letter: Thank your friend for lending the item to you. Explain how it got damaged. Tell your friend what you plan to do about it.
Dear Robert,
I hope
this
email finds you in radiant health and you are doing well. I am writing this
letter to inform some information about the item that I borrowed from you last
week for my personal use.
First of all, I am really grateful as you provided me with your expensive digital camera for the next two weeks. As you know, I joined in an annual excursion with office colleagues at the City Park. Therefore
, it was really helpful for me to capture the beautiful memories through your camera.
Moreover
, I observed that the shutter button was not functioning properly during the event. Although
I am not an expert technically, I think this
malfunction happened due to
not upgrading the latest software as this
device is based on Android
operating system.
Since Correct article usage
the Android
this
technical problem is related to software
upgrade, I believe that I could help you to fix Add an article
a software
this
issue as I have one friend who has been working in a camera manufacturing company as a software engineer. Besides
, I already talked with him regarding this
matter and he confirmed that he is able to fix this
kind of issue.
I hope you will allow me some days to resolve this
issue.
Yours lovingly,
SimranSubmitted by faisalmahamood on
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Coherence and Cohesion
Your letter is generally well-structured, with clear paragraphs each focusing on a specific point. However, to improve coherence and cohesion, consider linking your ideas more smoothly by using a broader range of cohesive devices, such as transitional phrases ('Furthermore', 'In addition to') that can help your paragraphs flow more naturally.
Task Achievement
You've addressed all parts of the task, effectively thanking, explaining the damage, and proposing a solution. To enhance task achievement, ensure your tone matches the formality of the situation. Using phrases like 'Yours lovingly' is unusual in this context and could be replaced with more appropriate closings, such as 'Yours sincerely' or 'Best regards', to maintain a suitable writing tone.
Task Achievement
While the explanation of the damage is given, providing more precise details about how the damage occurred rather than solely focusing on the technical problem can make your response more complete. Incorporating this aspect would strengthen your task achievement score further.