IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

“some parents think that childcare centres provide the best services for children of preschool age. Other working parents think that family members such as grandparents will be better carers for their kids”. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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There are some arguments between parents that giving
children
Use synonyms
 to infant school is better.
However
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, others think that family members
such
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 as cousins will be helpful for kids.
To begin
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 with, I'm going to write about the positive and negative development of childcare. First of all, young people can make new besties from the centre.
Moreover
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, some teachers can teach subjects that kids do not understand at school.
This
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 means that they can improve their knowledge which is helpful in tests and improve communication skills between friends.
However
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, making youngsters go to childcare centres costs a lot of money.
Therefore
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, some people might make life much harder when they do not earn much money from income.
Moreover
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, there might be some bullies between
children
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 in the child centre which can have a very bad impact on them.
On the other hand
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, taking care of family members
also
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 has advantages and disadvantages.
Firstly
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, Staying in a family relationship ,
for instance
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, with grandparents is very exciting and fun for kids.
Additionally
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, some cousin can talk about something from the past
such
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 as during World War 2 to their minor.
Therefore
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, youngsters can learn about what happened before so that they can understand well during history class or
this
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 knowledge will help in the future.
However
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, there are some disadvantages which is that youngster can not play sports or some online game with their friends.
Therefore
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, some of them will feel bored without friends.
Moreover
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, in my grandparents ' house, there might be nothing to do with them.
For instance
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, board games, and devices.
Also
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, some grandmothers or fathers are too kind to them.
Therefore
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, it might have a bad effect on
children
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 because they might think everyone is being kind to them.
To sum up
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, there are some arguments between parents about giving
children
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 to family relationships or to child infant-school. In my opinion, giving young people to child centres is better for these reasons.

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task achievement
Work on presenting more comprehensive ideas, as parts of the essay do not fully cover the points raised. For instance, the section on family care is underdeveloped.
task achievement
Ensure all points are sufficiently supported by relevant examples. Some examples are present, but they could be more specific and detailed.
coherence cohesion
Maintain clear and logical progression of ideas. While the essay generally follows a logical order, there are areas where transitions could be smoother and link the ideas more effectively.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, establishing a clear start and end to the discussion.
task achievement
Both viewpoints of the argument are presented, which meets the task requirement to discuss both sides.
task achievement
The essay attempts to provide specific examples, which is a good practice in supporting ideas, such as making friends in centers or historical stories from grandparents.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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