IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Governments should spend money on railways rather than roads.To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statment?

Nowadays, public transportation is becoming increasingly important in people’s daily lives.
While
Linking Words
 I agree that
governments
Use synonyms
 need to invest money in constructing highways and maintaining road
quality
Use synonyms
, I believe that spending money on
railways
Use synonyms
 is more beneficial than building more
roads
Use synonyms
. On the
one
Use synonyms
 hand, maintaining road
quality
Use synonyms
 is an important way to reflect what a city stands for. If a government wants to attract tourists from all over the world,
one
Use synonyms
 of the key factors is maintaining clean and well-kept public spaces.
This
Linking Words
 can represent the
overall
Linking Words
 appearance of a city and demonstrate its level of development.
For instance
Linking Words
, Japan is widely known as
one
Use synonyms
 of the cleanest countries in the world, and it
also
Linking Words
 has well-maintained and smooth
roads
Use synonyms
. Even in rural areas, the
quality
Use synonyms
 of the
roads
Use synonyms
 allows tourists to enjoy the same level of comfort as in major cities.
As a result
Linking Words
, maintaining road
quality
Use synonyms
 is a necessary area for government investment.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, I believe that
governments
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 need to place greater emphasis on building
railways
Use synonyms
 for public transportation,
such
Linking Words
 as MRT systems, high-speed rail, and traditional train networks.
One
Use synonyms
 major reason is that developing
railways
Use synonyms
 can significantly reduce carbon dioxide emissions, which helps prevent global warming from becoming worse. Another reason is that railway construction can increase job opportunities in society, as it creates employment during both the construction and operation stages. In
this
Linking Words
 way, investing in
railways
Use synonyms
 can effectively help
governments
Use synonyms
 address the problem of unemployment.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, efficient railway systems can reduce traffic congestion and encourage people to rely less on private cars, making urban transportation more sustainable in the long term. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 some people believe that
governments
Use synonyms
 should spend money on maintaining and constructing new
roads
Use synonyms
, I think that investing in
railways
Use synonyms
 brings greater benefits to society.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
State your view clearly in the first line of the essay.
task response
Give one strong example for each reason. Use real facts or numbers when possible.
coherence
Use simple words to connect ideas and show flow between paragraphs.
coherence
Make each paragraph start with a clear topic sentence.
grammar
Check for errors in grammar and sentence form.
content
Clear aim to favor railways.
structure
Good structure: intro, two body ideas, and conclusion.
coherence
Uses linking phrases like On the one hand, On the other hand.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: