IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In Some countires young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies.Discuss the advanatges and dis advantages for young people whodecide to do this

In some nations, youngsters are encouraged to
work
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 some state that they should explore
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nature, different cultures and societies after finishing
there
Use the right word
their
show examples
 high school and before entering
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
universities
Fix the agreement mistake
university
show examples
. Both have their own advantages and disadvantages. Working can be beneficial for them in terms of enhancing
skills
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 they can
also
Linking Words
 save some money for later.
In
Linking Words
contrast
Punctuation problem
contrast,
show examples
 by exploring the nature and different
cultures
Add a comma
cultures,
show examples
 they can enhance their
abillities
Correct your spelling
abilities
such
Linking Words
 as communication
skills
Use synonyms
, know about different cultures and the importance of networking. Both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
categories have their own drawbacks
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 may include
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 lack of global interaction and
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of
skills
Use synonyms
 and finances to pursue their career. On the first hand, working just after passing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
high school may
practically
Rephrase
apply
show examples
provide significant benefits. They can explore different jobs and may learn different
skills
Use synonyms
 by participating in the different internship programs. Some of these programs may help by providing salaries which can later be
spend
Replace the word
spent
show examples
 on the tuition fee and learning some beneficial
skills
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, it
also
Linking Words
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 some drawbacks which include stress and
Use synonyms
work life
Use the right word
work-life
show examples
 imbalance. In
china
Fix capitalization
China
show examples
, it is clearly
be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
shown that the youngsters are working continuously even after their high
schools
Fix the agreement mistake
school
show examples
 without any vacations. By having that much
Use synonyms
work
Use the right word
workload
show examples
 load they are feeling more and more depressed
everyday
Use the right word
every day
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
By
Fix capitalization
by
show examples
tavelling
Correct your spelling
travelling
while
Linking Words
 having
Fix the agreement mistake
vacation
show examples
vacations
Punctuation problem
vacations,
show examples
may
Verb problem
individuals can
show examples
 improve
the
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 mental health of the individuals because they can enjoy their moments and explore new nations and societies. It
also
Linking Words
 helps them in building networking
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 is very beneficial for them in their careers.
This
Linking Words
 can be seen in America
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
,
the
Rephrase
where the
show examples
 students have a proper
Use synonyms
work life
Use the right word
work-life
show examples
 balance
Linking Words
due
Punctuation problem
, due
show examples
 to which they are less depressed as compared to China. In conclusion, both can be beneficial in some ways and have drawbacks in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
other. By
working
Punctuation problem
working,
show examples
 they can raise some funds to pursue their degrees
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 they can
also
Linking Words
 learn some
skills
Use synonyms
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
Use synonyms
work life
Use the right word
work-life
show examples
 balance is
also
Linking Words
 important because mental health
is dependant
Verb problem
depends
show examples
 on
this
Linking Words
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

structure
The essay tries to talk about both sides but the main idea is not clear in every paragraph. Make your point clearly in the first sentence of each paragraph and keep to it.
structure
Add a short, direct introduction and a clear closing sentence to finish.
language
Spell and word choice need fixing. Watch for common misspells like abillities, tavelling, and their rather than there.
development
Give one or two strong examples for each point and explain why it is useful.
cohesion
Use linking words to join ideas, such as also, but, for example, and in addition, to help flow.
task
The essay tries to discuss both sides of the issue.
structure
There is a final paragraph that summarizes the view.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: