IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The amount of time spend on sport and exercise should be increased in schools in order to tackle the problem of overweight children ? do you think that the best way to deal with the problem ? what other solution can you suggest ?

The amount of time spent on sport and
exercise
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 in
schools
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 should be increased in order to tackle the problem of overweight
children
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.
While
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 I agree that physical activity plays a significant role in addressing
this
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 issue, I believe it is not the only solution, and other factors
such
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 as diet and lifestyle must
also
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 be considered. On the one hand, increasing the time allocated to sport and
exercise
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 in
schools
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 can help reduce childhood obesity. Regular physical activity allows
children
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 to burn calories, maintain a healthy weight, and improve their
overall
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 fitness.
In addition
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, participating in sports
such
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 as football, tennis, or squash can be enjoyable, which encourages
children
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 to stay active.
Exercise
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also
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 has mental health benefits, as it can reduce stress and anxiety and improve concentration, leading to better academic performance.
On the other hand
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, focusing solely on
exercise
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 is not sufficient to solve the problem of overweight
children
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. A balanced diet is equally important, as
children
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 need proper nutrition to grow and function effectively.
Schools
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 can contribute by offering healthier meals and educating students about nutritious food choices.
Moreover
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, modern lifestyles often involve excessive use of electronic devices, which leads to a sedentary routine. Reducing screen time and encouraging active habits at home can significantly support weight control and
overall
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 well-being. In conclusion,
although
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 increasing sport and
exercise
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 in
schools
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 is an effective way to tackle childhood obesity, it should be combined with a balanced diet and a healthy lifestyle. Cooperation between
schools
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 and families is essential to promote long-term healthy habits and effectively address the problem of overweight
children
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.

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improvement
Add more specific steps that schools can take, like how long each activity lasts and how to mix with class time.
content
Give concrete examples of foods and activities to show what a balanced plan could be.
style
Use simple, short sentences and check for small grammar fixes to keep the flow.
structure
Make the link between exercise and diet clearer, and show how they work together.
content
The essay shows a balanced view by looking at sport and diet.
language
Good use of linking words to show the two sides.
structure
Conclusion is clear and close the essay well.
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