IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

The amount of time spend on sport and exercise should be increased in schools in order to tackle the problem of overweight children ? do you think that the best way to deal with the problem ? what other solution can you suggest ?

Many people believe that
increasing
Correct article usage
an increasing
show examples
 amount of
exercise
Use synonyms
 and
sport
Use synonyms
 can solve the children over weight
problem
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 I agree that increasing
exercise
Use synonyms
 in school can tackle that
problem
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, I believe that other
factor
Fix the agreement mistake
factors
show examples
,
such
Linking Words
 as
balanced
Correct article usage
a balanced
show examples
 diet and a healthy lifestyle , are equally important. On the one hand, regular
exercise
Use synonyms
 is the most effective way to tackle
overweight
Verb problem
being overweight
show examples
.
Linking Words
Further more
Use the right word
Furthermore
show examples
, increasing
Use synonyms
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 is crucial to solve
this
Linking Words
problem
Use synonyms
. Tennis and squash are sports that combine fun with physical activity,
Which
Fix capitalization
which
show examples
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 them beneficial for physical
ane
Use the right word
and
show examples
 mental health.
Sport
Use synonyms
well
Verb problem
can well
show examples
 reduce the overweight
problem
Use synonyms
Linking Words
also
Punctuation problem
, also
show examples
 it can
improve
Rephrase
also improve
show examples
 mental well-being by reducing stress and anxiety.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, increasing
exercise
Use synonyms
 and
sport
Use synonyms
 is crucial to deal with
this
Linking Words
problem
Use synonyms
,
But
Fix capitalization
but
show examples
 there are other factors that should
Verb problem
be considerd
show examples
considerd
Correct your spelling
considered
. A balanced Diet
paly
Use the right word
plays
show examples
 a critical part to provide children with the necessary
natruation
Correct your spelling
nutrition
 to function properly.
However
Linking Words
 , minimemz electronics
Linking Words
also
Verb problem
is also
show examples
 important because
its
Use the right word
it's
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 big
reasson
Correct your spelling
reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 children
overweight
Verb problem
being overweight
show examples
. A good lifestyle is essential to improve
quality
Correct article usage
the quality
show examples
 of life.  In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 increasing
time
Correct article usage
the time
show examples
 of
exercise
Use synonyms
 in schools can tackle overweight
problem
Use synonyms
,
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
it is not the only solution.Cooperation between families and schools is essential to help address the
problem
Use synonyms
 of childhood obesity by promoting healthy habits and encouraging physical activity.

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task management
In this essay, you need a clear view in the start and a clear restatement at the end.
content
Make one main idea in each paragraph and back it with a simple fact or example.
coherence
Link ideas with easy words like also, and, but, finally. Use simple sentences and fix big spelling.
grammar
Check words that look wrong and spell them right: weight, diet, lifestyle, etc.
structure present
There is an overall view on the topic.
content
Some good ideas about exercise and diet.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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