IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries, the number of people suffering from stress is increasing. What do you think are the causes of this problem and what measures could be taken to tackle it?

Nowadays, an increasing number af
people
Use synonyms
 are living under
pressure
Use synonyms
 in many countries. From my point af view,
this
Linking Words
 trend may be driven by greater
job
Use synonyms
 competition and heavier academic burden and practical measures like making laws to stimulate investment and developing work-based training. The deteriorating employment environment and society’s high requirement for
diploma
Correct article usage
a diploma
show examples
 contribute to
people
Use synonyms
’s
stress
Use synonyms
.
First,
Linking Words
the number of young
people
Use synonyms
 is increasing
while
Linking Words
 there are not ample positions for the youth.
According to
Linking Words
 the investigation of
Chinese
Correct article usage
the Chinese
show examples
 Education Bureau, just 30% of the graduates can find a
job
Use synonyms
 as soon as they graduate in the year 2024. It leads to a loss of
job
Use synonyms
supports
Fix the agreement mistake
support
show examples
,
they’ll
Correct word choice
and they’ll
show examples
 suffer from high living
stress
Use synonyms
.
As a result
Linking Words
, in order to compete,
and_strength
Correct your spelling
and strength
 for
Use synonyms
job
Correct article usage
a job
show examples
 and avoid
to be
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
 dismissed.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 society where
diploma
Correct article usage
a diploma
show examples
 has been devalued, students have to compete against others to enter better universities and get high
score
Fix the agreement mistake
scores
show examples
. From primary school to university,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
campus lives are filled with exams, students are always living under the
pressure
Use synonyms
 of study, and they often have to take extra
class
Fix the agreement mistake
classes
show examples
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 them have less time to relax and
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
show examples
 their
stress
Use synonyms
. The two main reasons can explain why
people
Use synonyms
 today are increasingly
stressful
Correct word choice
stressed
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, there are some approaches to help
people
Use synonyms
 lower their
pressure
Use synonyms
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
. First of all, the government can make some laws to stimulate investment, which can add more
job
Use synonyms
 positions.
For example
Linking Words
, governments can reduce the tax
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 opening a new
company
Punctuation problem
company,
show examples
 whereby more
people
Use synonyms
 will be employed
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 their
pressure
Use synonyms
 of unemployment will be reduced.
In addition
Linking Words
, the country can pay attention to
develop
Wrong verb form
developing
show examples
 work-based training in order to relieve students’ academic
stress
Use synonyms
. If so, students who are not good at
study
Replace the word
studying
show examples
 may not need to struggle for a high diploma
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 they can
also
Linking Words
 get a good
job
Use synonyms
 through their work-based
practise
Use the right word
practice
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, Germany’s dual-training system enables young
people
Use synonyms
 to work in companies
while
Linking Words
accepting
Verb problem
receiving
show examples
 vocational education, which can reduce
youth’s
Check wording
youth
show examples
stress
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,
job
Use synonyms
 and academic competition may
driven
Verb problem
lead
show examples
 to
people
Use synonyms
’s increasing
stress
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
However
Punctuation problem
However,
show examples
 many measures, like making laws to invest
investment
Change preposition
in investment
show examples
 and developing work-based
training
Punctuation problem
training,
show examples
 can reduce
people
Use synonyms
’s
stress
Use synonyms
.

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improvement
Plan your answer. Start with a clear view on the topic and end with a short conclusion. Each paragraph should have one main idea.
improvement
Use simple linking words to show order: First, Then, Also, But, For example. This helps the reader follow your ideas.
improvement
Explain points with easy examples. Give one or two reasons and a simple fact or example.
strength
You show the main idea of causes and ways to fix.
strength
You give a real example (Germany system).
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Work-life balance
  • Burnout
  • Digital detox
  • Mindfulness
  • Coping mechanisms
  • Cognitive-behavioral therapy
  • Financial stability
  • Public awareness campaigns
  • Resilience training
  • Support networks
What to do next:
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