IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries, the number of people suffering from stress is increasing. What do you think are the causes of this problem and what measures could be taken to tackle it?

The issue of the increasing number of human beings under high pressure has raised public concern. From my perspective, society contributes to
cause
Wrong verb form
causing
show examples
this
Linking Words
 issue
most
Correct article usage
the most
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss the reasons and measures of
this
Linking Words
 problem. The competition in society plays a vital role in growing
stress
Use synonyms
 among
people
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 is because with the growth of competition,
people
Use synonyms
 may work and study harder, overtaking their physical endurance, which makes
them
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 bodies exhausted and anxious.
For example
Linking Words
, the companies would establish a system of selection and elimination and need employees to accomplish their tasks
greater
Rephrase
more effectively
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as well as
Linking Words
 work overtime, which
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
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heavy
Correct article usage
a heavy
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 burden on their physiology and psychology.
Therefore
Linking Words
, these
phenomenon
Fix the agreement mistake
phenomena
show examples
 cause an increase
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
stress
Use synonyms
 among
people
Use synonyms
. Effective solutions are required to reduce
people
Use synonyms
’s
stress
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the government has the responsibility to supervise the companies. Administration,
for instance
Linking Words
, can enact the policy of labour, which
regulate
Correct subject-verb agreement
regulates
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 the work time not
exceed
Verb problem
to exceed
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 8 hours each day and
monitor
Correct subject-verb agreement
monitors
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 the company
improve
Verb problem
to improve
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 their welfare formulation for their employees.
By
Change preposition
In
show examples
this
Linking Words
 way, it may reduce
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
’s
stress
Use synonyms
 efficiently.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the
people
Use synonyms
 themselves should learn how to relax and escape the negative emotions in order to reduce tension. When they are
depressive
Replace the word
depressed
show examples
, they can cultivate their interests, escaping from the high-pressure environment. It’s a way to get rid of negative emotions and reduce
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
stress
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, social competition is an important factor
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
people
Use synonyms
’s
stress
Use synonyms
. The authority and
individual
Correct article usage
the individual
show examples
 themselves should
make
Use the right word
take
show examples
 some measures to deal with
this
Linking Words
 negative emotion.

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task response
Plan what you want to say. Put the idea in order: cause, then fix. Use a short intro and a clear end.
grammar
Use short and clear sentences. Check grammar so phrases fit well and make sense.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words to show cause and effect, such as because, then, also, but.
structure
The essay has a clear topic and shows the idea to fix the issue.
content
It shows both cause and some steps to solve.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Work-life balance
  • Burnout
  • Digital detox
  • Mindfulness
  • Coping mechanisms
  • Cognitive-behavioral therapy
  • Financial stability
  • Public awareness campaigns
  • Resilience training
  • Support networks
What to do next:
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