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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries, the number of people suffering from stress is increasing. What do you think are the causes of this problem and what measures could be taken to tackle it?

Nowadays,
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people
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’s mental problems
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as
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stress
Punctuation problem
stress,
show examples
 have become increasingly prevalent in some countries.
This
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 essay will explore the key issues associated with
this
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 trend and propose viable solutions. On the one hand,one major problem is that
people
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 are attracted
by
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to
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 social media.They always spend
their
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apply
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most of
the
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 time on their phones,
people
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 will feel
frustrating
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frustrated
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 and admire others when they
looking
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look
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 at those over-decorated things.
This
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 often leads to individuals
compare
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comparing
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 themselves with other
people
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 and
stuck
Verb problem
becoming stuck
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into
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in
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 mental diseases.
For example
Linking Words
,the percentage of 68%
people
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are
Correct pronoun usage
who are
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 addicted to
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
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 have mental problems.Another issue is fierce competition in society.
students
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Students
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 are
struggle
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struggling
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 with their academic performances,workers are
worry
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worried
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 about their salaries and promotions,which may result in
people
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are
Wrong verb form
being
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 under depression in
a
Correct article usage
the
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 long
term
Punctuation problem
term,
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Linking Words
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 is harmful to
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people
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’s mental and physical health.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,there are a
lots
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lot
show examples
 of
measure
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measures
show examples
 to tackle these problems.
Firstly
Linking Words
,reducing the time spent on social media is a useful method.Because it can help them to spend more time on worthy things,
such
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 as improving their own abilities
instead
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 of complaining about others.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,they will escape from the virtual online world
as well as
Linking Words
improving
Wrong verb form
improve
show examples
 their emotions.
In addition
Linking Words
,
government
Correct article usage
the government
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 should publish a series of policies to reduce
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people
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’s
stress
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.
For example
Linking Words
,companies should give some rewards or breaks to their
employers
Use the right word
employees
show examples
,schools need to reduce
student’s
Check wording
students’
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 assignments and improve their outdoor activities.Which can
reduces
Wrong verb form
reduce
show examples
Use synonyms
people
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’s
stress
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at
Change preposition
to
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 some extent. In summary,
although
Linking Words
 individuals
are
Verb problem
have
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suffer
Wrong verb form
suffered
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 from heavy
stress
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 in recent years
among
Change preposition
in
show examples
 some countries,it is possible to address the concerns through relaxing
themselves
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
and publishing policies.

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task response
Add a clear map of causes and a clear list of fixes. Each idea should have one real example.
coherence
Make one idea per line, and use simple link words to join ideas.
language
Check grammar and spell mistakes. Use 'most of the time', 'cannot', etc. Keep to simple form.
language
Use short, clear sentences. Do not mix many ideas in one long sentence.
structure
Has an intro and a conclusion.
ideas
Deals with both causes and ways to fix.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Work-life balance
  • Burnout
  • Digital detox
  • Mindfulness
  • Coping mechanisms
  • Cognitive-behavioral therapy
  • Financial stability
  • Public awareness campaigns
  • Resilience training
  • Support networks
What to do next:
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