IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Scientists agree that people are damaging their health by eating too much junk food.Some people think that the answer to this problem is to educate people.Others think education will not work. Discuss both views and give your opinion.?

Scientists believe that consuming fast
food
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 excessively has deleterious effects on consumers'
health
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.
While
Linking Words
 some
people
Use synonyms
 assert that to address
this
Linking Words
 problem effectively,individuals should be educated as they are not aware of the negative effects of eating
junk
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food
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,others,including me, consider that education may not be a good option because many
people
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 do not have other alternatives. On the one side,it is claimed by some that educating
people
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 can eradicate many
health
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 problems that are caused by consuming unhealthy options too much.
This
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 is because individuals are not aware of the detrimental consequences of
this
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 tendency and they do not know that it can lead to
health
Use synonyms
 concerns or not.
For instance
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,in many developing countries,as the quality of the education system is poor,many individuals do not know about the adverse impacts of eating
junk
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food
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 on their
health
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 and it has led to many
health
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 issues among them. On the other side,I would side with those who believe that to address
this
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 issue,education cannot be an effective way because the prices of healthy foods are higher than unhealthy ones and
consequently
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,many
people
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 who have limited budgets cannot afford to pay for healthy meals and are obliged to consume
junk
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 foods even if they know about its negative effects on
health
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.
For instance
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,in Azerbaijan,there are many educated
people
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 ,but despite
this
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,they continue to eat
junk
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food
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 because they do not have any other alternative
due to
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 their limited budget. Taking everything into account,whilst some claim that informing consumers about the negative impacts of purchasing
junk
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food
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 can be an effective method to deter them from buying
them
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
,it seems to me that it may not be enough method as
people
Use synonyms
 do not have enough money to purchase healthy ones.

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task achievement
While your essay provides a good analysis of both perspectives and your own opinion, consider providing more varied and specific examples to strengthen your arguments further. Richer examples can make your points more convincing.
coherence and cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, you might work on smoother transitions between paragraphs and ideas. Phrases that clearly show your progression of thought can help link your arguments more seamlessly.
task achievement
You've done a commendable job in discussing both views and giving your opinion, which meets the task's requirements effectively.
coherence and cohesion
Your logical structure and organization are clear, with a well-defined introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • health
  • food
  • junk
  • eat
  • good
  • bad
  • habit
  • change
  • learn
  • teach
  • school
  • home
  • family
  • price
  • cost
  • tax
  • time
  • life
  • work
  • shop
  • water
  • fruit
  • veg
  • sugar
  • salt
  • fat
  • body
  • mind
  • weight
  • risk
  • plan
  • idea
  • view
  • people
  • policy
  • program
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