IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In some areas of the US, a ‘curfew’ is imposed, in which teenagers are not allowed to be out of doors after a particular time at night unless they are accompanied by an adult. What is your opinion about this?

In some regions of the United States, authorities enforce
curfews
Use synonyms
 that keep
teenagers
Use synonyms
 from being outside after certain hours unless they are accompanied by an adult. I unequivocally disagree with
this
Linking Words
 statement
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 because these
curfews
Use synonyms
 restrict young people’s
freedom
Use synonyms
 and personal growth and fail to
address
Use synonyms
 the deeper root causes of any issues
teenagers
Use synonyms
 might face. The primary reason for my disagreement is that imposing nighttime restrictions on
teenagers
Use synonyms
 not only restricts their personal
freedom
Use synonyms
 but
also
Linking Words
 reduces their chances to develop cognitive skills and essential life abilities.
Teenagers
Use synonyms
 should have the
freedom
Use synonyms
 to explore their interests, gain independence, and engage in activities that happen after dark. By enforcing these kinds of rules, we limit their ability to join extracurriculars,
socialize
Change the spelling
socialise
show examples
, and participate in community events.
For example
Linking Words
, a teenager with a passion for music may be part of a local band that regularly performs at gigs in the evening. Imposing a curfew would prevent them from pursuing their musical aspirations and sharing their talent with the community.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
curfews
Use synonyms
 often fail to
address
Use synonyms
 the root causes of the perceived problems they aim to solve. The reasons behind teenage delinquency,
such
Linking Words
 as substance abuse, gang involvement, or risky behaviours, cannot be solely attributed to the time they spend outside at night. These issues require a comprehensive approach that focuses on education, mentorship, and support systems.
For instance
Linking Words
, some places have replaced
curfews
Use synonyms
 with things like after-school mentorship and evening youth
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
. These programs give teens a safe space to learn and hang out, which helps them make better choices without needing to enforce a curfew. In conclusion, the imposition of
curfews
Use synonyms
 on
teenagers
Use synonyms
 is a restrictive measure that limits personal
freedom
Use synonyms
 and may not effectively
address
Use synonyms
 the underlying issues it seeks to resolve.
Instead
Linking Words
 of relying on
curfews
Use synonyms
, it is important to focus on comprehensive strategies that
address
Use synonyms
 the root causes of teenage delinquency and promote responsible decision-making.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

improvement
Your view is clear and you respond to the task with reasons and examples. To improve, add a simple look at the other side and explain why your view still fits the task.
improvement
Make each paragraph start with a clear topic sentence and finish by tying it back to your main point. This will help the flow and show you meet task response.
strength
Clear position and direct answer to the prompt
strength
Good overall structure with intro, body, and conclusion
strength
Use of linking words that show sequence and example (Moreover, For instance)
What to do next:
Look at other essays: