IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people say that overeating is harmful and advertising for some food products should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

There is no denying the fact that
food
Use synonyms
 is one of the most important categories in
people
Use synonyms
's lives.
While
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 it is a commonly held belief that eating a lot of
food
Use synonyms
 will harm our bodies, companies should
band
Use the right word
ban
show examples
food
Use synonyms
 advertisements. There is
also
Linking Words
 an argument that opposes it. In my opinion, I consider that the type of
food
Use synonyms
 has a crucial impact on individual
health
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.
To begin
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 with, eating habits have a significant role in general body
health
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.
In other words
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, whatever enters our stomach will affect our body's
health
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.
In addition
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, the quality of life depends on
people
Use synonyms
's lifestyle and how they maintain their healthy diet.
For example
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, many chronic diseases are related to an unhealthy diet, like diabetes and hypertension.
Also
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, employees' performance at any job will depend on their general
health
Use synonyms
. Another point to consider, advertising of
food
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 products may affect young children more than others. It is possible to say that they can not control their eating habits if there are a lot of harmful
food
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 products around them , especially in today's globalisation world and social media decade.
Moreover
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, the obesity rate has increased among young
people
Use synonyms
 in the
last
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 few years. The
last
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 research shows an important relationship between
food
Use synonyms
 advertisement and the increase in the obesity rate in teenagers. In conclusion, despite
people
Use synonyms
 having different views. I believe that overeating is one of the most harmful habits in individuals at any point in their lives. especially if their lifestyle does not contain any healthy parts , like sports.

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task response
Be clear on your view. Start with a direct line that you agree or disagree with the idea of banning ads. Then keep this view in the rest of the text.
coherence
Build your main idea with one idea per paragraph. Start each paragraph with a topic sentence.
grammar
Use simple, short sentences. Correct common errors like 'band' to 'ban', and 'globalisation world' to 'globalised world'.
content
Give more specific examples and connect them to your idea. For example, state a number or study in plain words, but keep language simple.
structure
Finish with a clear restatement of your view and a short recap of the main points.
content
The essay shows care for health and how ads may affect kids
content
It gives examples of diseases like diabetes and obesity
structure
Linking words are used to show order and add ideas
Topic Vocabulary:
  • ad
  • ads
  • ban
  • limit
  • rule
  • law
  • health
  • food
  • eat
  • child
  • kid
  • parent
  • time
  • age
  • risk
  • plan
  • policy
  • fact
  • label
  • warning
  • choice
  • education
  • business
  • market
  • people
  • they
  • we
  • this
  • that
  • one
  • better
  • see
  • use
  • amount
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