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Band 4.5

Some people think competitive sport is important for a child’s education. Others think it has negative effects on children. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In the world of
children
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's
education
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, many people have debates on what is necessary for
children
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's
growth
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 and what is not. Among the common arguments, one that stands out is whether competitive
sport
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 is important for a child's
education
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. When a child picks up a competitive
sport
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, they are often considering it to be a long-term commitment
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such
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, such
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 as Gianna Bryant playing basketball as a kid with hopes to be a future professional basketball player. In
this
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 essay, I will be discussing the advantages and disadvantages of
deeming
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considering
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 competitive
sport
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 for
children
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's
education
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as
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, as
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 well as my personal views on
this
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 issue.
Firstly
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,
education
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 cannot be singled out to only be about
academics
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which
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, which
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 many people presume.
Education
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also
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 involves
growth
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, healthy development and gaining new experiences. Learning a competitive
sport
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 builds on that
education
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 by allowing them to earn lessons that cannot be achieved through studying. The diligence, determination and
comittment
Correct your spelling
commitment
 that comes with athletes is very important for
children
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's
growth
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.
Moreover
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, having a separate activity to do apart from school compels
children
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 to adopt a more
discplined
Correct your spelling
disciplined
 lifestyle. They would have built a habit to create and follow a proper schedule that aids their mental development
which
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, which
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 can help ease through their messy days and have a clearer and healthier mind.
In addition
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,
learing
Correct your spelling
learning
 a competitive
sport
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 can boost the
children
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's student record
which
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, which
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 can give them pathways to greater experiences in
highschool
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high school
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 or beyond.
On the other hand
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, letting
children
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 practice a competitive
sport
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 may hinder their
academics
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 as they would
hav
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have
 to skip some classes
due to
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 practice or to join
atheletics
Correct your spelling
athletics
 competition. Having
this
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 extra boulder,
children
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 may not be able to contain the stress from the busy schedule
and
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, and
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 that may negatively affect their studies at school.
Additionally
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, a lot of
children
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 learning a competitive
sport
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 are forced
due to
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 their parents' greed
of
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for
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 having their
children
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 be the 'best' at every aspect.
This
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 is very common in Asia
as
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, as
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for instance
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,
children
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 as young as 4 years old in Hong Kong have packed schedules
due to
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 the high amount of extra-curricular activities they are signed up
with
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for
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.
This
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 can affect the youth's mental health negatively as they would put all of their energy
in
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into
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 satisfying their parents.
Consequently
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, in the case of the competitive
sport
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 not working out for
children
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's future after paying all their effort and
committment
Correct your spelling
commitment
, they may have wasted their time on
such
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 sports when they could have put that energy into
academics
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which
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, which
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 would have an upper hand in getting into
further
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education
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. Personally, I agree to a large extent that learning a competitive
sport
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 is important for
children
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's
education
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due to
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 the many opportunities
this
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 comes with.
Children
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 are able to build an extensive record with not just studies
but
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, but
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 sports. I believe that it is essential
to not
Correct word order
not to
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 have the youth consumed with
academics
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 and allow them to breathe through other activities. Choosing sports for that
also
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 helps them stay physically fit and healthy
which
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, which
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 is uncommon in today's world of junk food and unhealthy lifestyles.
Overall
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,
this
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 prompt has both positives and negatives
which
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, which
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 should be evaluated before putting kids into competitive
sport
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while
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 having their
education
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 as their best interest.
However
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, I trust that having an open mind to learning a competitive
sport
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in
Use the right word
is
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 vital for a child's
education
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,
growth
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 and healthy development.

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structure
Make your view clear in the last paragraph. State one main idea and support it.
content
Grow each idea with one or two facts or small examples.
grammar
Check spelling and word form. Fix misspelled words.
cohesion
Use linking words to show cause, result, or contrast.
content
The essay looks at both sides and gives your view.
structure
You have an introduction and a conclusion.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • life skills
  • teamwork
  • leadership
  • resilience
  • personal development
  • professional success
  • physical health
  • healthy lifestyle
  • obesity
  • real-world challenges
  • work ethic
  • cope with pressure
  • stress
  • burnout
  • mental health issues
  • unrealistic expectations
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • bullying
  • moral values
  • sportsmanship
  • overemphasis
  • academic pursuits
  • imbalance
  • undervalue
  • athletic success
What to do next:
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