IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that teenagers should be required to do unpaid community work in their free time. This can be benefit teenagers and the community as well. To what extent do you agree or disgree.

It has been argued that
teenagers
Use synonyms
 should do some
community
Use synonyms
work
Use synonyms
 in their free time without
paid
Verb problem
being paid
show examples
.
Although
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 can be beneficial for
teenagers
Use synonyms
' individual ability and the
community
Use synonyms
overall
Linking Words
, I partially agree with
this
Linking Words
 view. First of all,
community
Use synonyms
work
Use synonyms
 is undoubtedly beneficial for
teenagers
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, cleaning elderly residents' rooms is a great opportunity for them to accumulate experience in basic living skills, be
considerable
Replace the word
considerate
show examples
 and responsible.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, some society
work
Use synonyms
 can enhance the connection between
teenagers
Use synonyms
 and real life, help them step into
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society more smoothly, which is a precious experience that cannot be acquired from school. Considering
this
Linking Words
 point of view, doing
community
Use synonyms
work
Use synonyms
 can absolutely bring a lot of positive effects.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, despite all of the advantages above, there is
argue
Wrong verb form
an argument
show examples
 about doing unpaid
work
Use synonyms
. For the majority of people, salary is the main
stimuluate
Correct your spelling
stimulus
 for them to study and
work
Use synonyms
 hard, vice versa. If there is no appropriate
stimulate
Replace the word
stimulus
show examples
, it would cause
teenagers
Use synonyms
reluctant
Verb problem
to be reluctant
show examples
 to do
community
Use synonyms
work
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
, it is crucial for
teenagers
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 to recognise money and establish a healthy cognition of it.
Moreover
Linking Words
, puberty is an important stage in people's whole life; there is a variety of activities they might be interested in developing
instead
Linking Words
 of free
community
Use synonyms
work
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, the idea of doing
community
Use synonyms
work
Use synonyms
 can bring positive effects for
teenagers
Use synonyms
 and society both, but it should be implemented in a correct way, grant appropriate material support and enough time and space for them to enjoy the most joyful period.

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task response
State your view clearly in the first paragraph and keep it through the essay. Your current use shows partial agreement but a clear stand helps a higher score.
coherence
Add one clear main idea per paragraph and link ideas with simple words like 'also', 'but', 'therefore'.
coherence
Give simple, concrete examples to back each idea. Try to tie them to the prompt more.
language
Check grammar and word choice. Fix errors like 'stimuluate' to 'stimulate' and use correct phrases for 'unpaid' work and 'support'. Use short, plain sentences.
structure
The essay has a clear frame: intro, body, and end.
development
The writer notes both sides of the topic.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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