IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people today are worried about `cybercrime’ such as hacking and identity theft. What problems does `cybercrime’ cause, and what solutions can you suggest for ordinary people and businesses to take?

In recent times, there has been a rising concern
on
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about
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 the topic of cybercrimes
;
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,
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 most especially identity theft and hacking. There are a variety of reasons leading to these misconducts
which
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, which
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 I will elucidate in
this
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 essay
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as
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, as
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 well as measures
in
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apply
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which
entreprenuers
Correct your spelling
entrepreneurs
 and ordinary
citizens
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 can engage in to solve
this
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 problem.
Firstly
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, we live in a technological era, and
this
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 comes with some benefits
as well as
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 drawbacks.
Moreover
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, Cybercrime
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such
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, such
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 as identity fraud and
hacking
Punctuation problem
hacking,
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 seems to be the focal point
in
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of
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 the negatives of the internet today
as
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, as
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 it is
fast
Rephrase
rapidly
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 rising in
so
Rephrase
apply
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many societies.
This
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crime
Use synonyms
 has put innocent
citizens
Use synonyms
 at risk of bankruptcy, increased inflation in the economic sector
as well
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as
Correct word choice
and
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 caused significant health challenges
to
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apply
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to its victims.
Additionally
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, if
this
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 problem is not tackled effectively by the
government
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government,
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 it can lead to a deterioration of the economy at large.
Secondly
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, one of the most important ways of tackling
this
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 problem is by decreasing the unemployment rate in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society. Progressively, the government should create more job opportunities for the unemployed. Research carried out on
Use synonyms
crime
Correct article usage
the crime
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 rate indicates that 85% of jobless
citizens
Use synonyms
 have a higher tendency to commit
Use synonyms
crime
Correct article usage
a crime
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.
Hence
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, by providing jobs to these
citizens
Use synonyms
, it reduces the
crime
Use synonyms
 rate drastically.
For example
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, if these offenders have a
good paying
Use the right word
good-paying
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 job, they would not indulge in illegal activities to survive.
To conclude
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, cybercrime is a growing trend in so many countries that has a negative impact on innocent
citizens
Use synonyms
 and the economic sector
,
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;
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thus
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, the government must act fast to halt the fostering of
such
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misconducts
Fix the agreement mistake
misconduct
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 by creating employment in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society.

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improvement
To improve task response, add more points that mirror the task. Give clear steps for both ordinary people and for firms. Add more examples to show each idea.
language
Check spelling and grammar. Correct errors like 'to to', 'entreprenuers' and 'cybercrimes' to help the mark.
coherence
Make idea flow easy. Use linking words like and, but, also, in addition, for example to join ideas smoothly.
structure
Intro and conclusion are present.
coherence
Clear order with first, second, and conclusion.
content
Plan to help both people and business.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial distress
  • unauthorized transactions
  • violation of privacy
  • psychological impacts
  • intellectual property
  • competitive disadvantages
  • reputation
  • multifactor authentication
  • cybersecurity tools
  • phishing attempts
  • security audits
  • cyber insurance
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