IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people give more importance to artists (painter, writers, musicians) in the current age of rapidly developing technology and science. What do you think? Do people prefer arts to technology in your view?

There is no denying that art plays a crucial role in our lives. It provides various psychological benefits to humans.
While
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 it is a commonly held belief that
people
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 are giving more attention to artists currently, there is
also
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 an argument that opposes it. In my view, I believe that despite the growing number of
people
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 who are interested in the arts, they prefer technology and
science
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due to
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 their contribution to improving the quality of life.
To begin
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 with,
people
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 are aware of the importance of
science
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 and advanced technology.
In other words
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, numerous inventions that were made recently, helped in doing simple and complex tasks in an easier way.
Moreover
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, automation helped perform duties for both healthy
and
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people and
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people
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 with special needs.
For example
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, AI is now being used for different purposes,
such
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 as preparing grocery lists and translating signs into spoken language for individuals with hearing disabilities. The second point to consider is the general perspective of societies and communities towards art and
science
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. Many individuals believe that music and novels are for entertainment only and cannot replace
science
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.
In addition
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, many families are against the idea of allowing their offspring to be enrolled in an art-related undergraduate programme and encourage them to study engineering or computer networking majors.
For instance
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, an interview done by the BBC surveying the parental preference to college programmes, 70% said that they prefer their children to be involved in decent fields,
such
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 as chemistry and machine learning. In conclusion, despite
people
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 having different views, I believe that the arts have a positive impact on us;
however
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,
science
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 and technology have provided us with greater advantages for a long time and have a high status in our societies.

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coherence
Use clear link between idea and view in each paragraph.
task response
Give a strong, clear view at the start and keep it through the essay.
language
Keep sentences short and set simple words to be easy to read.
language
Check grammar and spelling to fix small errors that slow reading.
content
Add more real or known examples to back each idea.
structure
Make a simple plan before you write: intro, two body para, conclusion.
task response
A clear view on the topic is seen.
content
Examples show how tech helps life.
structure
There is a start and end to the essay.
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