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Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays in many countries woman have full time jobs. therefore, it is logical to share household task evenly between man and woman. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the statement.

In the olden days,
men
Use synonyms
 were given the role of breadwinners.
While
Linking Words
men
Use synonyms
 work hard to provide for their
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
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,
women
Use synonyms
were
Wrong verb form
are
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 asked to stay home to care for their children, do
chores
Use synonyms
 and cook.
Men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 were not given the choice to choose the life they
wish
Wrong verb form
wished
show examples
, but rather
fixated
Verb problem
were fixated
show examples
 by the social stereotypes. Under the influence of feminism and female empowerment, the social atmosphere is shifting from a
patriarchial
Use the right word
patriarchal
show examples
 society to a more equal community, where
one
Use synonyms
 can choose the career path they long for. At the same time, familial structures have drastically changed in recent years; traditional
household
Use synonyms
 roles may no longer be applicable to the new generation.
Hence
Linking Words
, to a large extent, I believe that both
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 have equal responsibility in
household
Use synonyms
 tasks.
First,
Linking Words
women
Use synonyms
 are now given equal opportunity to education.
As a result
Linking Words
, they may not be able to allocate as much time for
household
Use synonyms
chores
Use synonyms
 compared to
women
Use synonyms
 in the past.
Men
Use synonyms
 should
also
Linking Words
 be accountable for the shared living environment and share
household
Use synonyms
 tasks. We no longer live in an era where
women
Use synonyms
 are taken for granted as housewives and housemaids.
Women
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 have the free will to pursue a career they wish for and earn money for themselves, rather than rely on their husbands to provide for them.
As a result
Linking Words
 of the change in gender roles, it is logical for
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 to share
household
Use synonyms
 responsibilities.
However
Linking Words
, it is
also
Linking Words
 subject to change depending on the
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 in the house. As long as they have good communication and
divided
Wrong verb form
divide
show examples
 the labour
where
Correct word choice
so that
show examples
 all are pleased, it would
also
Linking Words
 be logical if the
chores
Use synonyms
 and not equally shared.
Second,
Linking Words
familial structures are now drastically different compared to previous times. In the 20th century,
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 heavily relied on reproduction and had large families, many consisting of 7 to 10 children. It would not be
managable
Correct your spelling
manageable
 unless
one
Use synonyms
 adult is assigned to stay at home and take care of
household
Use synonyms
 activities.
Such
Linking Words
 division of labour is no longer applicable as families rarely have many children anymore. More notably, many of the
generation
Fix capitalization
Generation
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 Z population tend to follow
dink
Correct article usage
the dink
show examples
 familial pattern, or even stay single. As it is no longer needed for
one
Use synonyms
 to stay home and do
household
Use synonyms
 work, it is more sensible to share the work
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 or simply take responsibility for
one
Use synonyms
's own
chores
Use synonyms
. When compared to the older generations, the contemporary lifestyle is no longer applicable
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the gender roles we once had. We now fight for equality and
self empowerment
Use the right word
self-empowerment
show examples
, where both
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 are equal.
Women
Use synonyms
 should no longer be taken for granted to do
chores
Use synonyms
, and it is only sensible that
household
Use synonyms
 tasks are shared among the
house
Use the right word
household
show examples
.

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structure
Make your view clear at the start and end with a strong sentence that shows your main idea.
content
Give more direct and full proof for each point. Use a real example tied to the claim.
coherence
Use linking words to show how ideas go together. Break long lines into shorter sentences.
language
Check spelling and word choice. Some words are not common and a few are misspelled.
task
Stay close to the task. Some parts talk about old times alone; keep focus on how sharing work is done now.
content
Clear view that both men and women share tasks.
structure
Uses 'First' and 'Second' to show order.
content
Notes change in family life and gender roles.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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