IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some countries achieve international sporting success by building specialised facilities to train top athletes instead of providing sports facilities that everyone can use. Do you think it is a positive or negative development

In recent years, some nations have had international sporting success
building
Punctuation problem
, building
show examples
 specialised
facilities
Use synonyms
 to train top
athletes
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, providing
sports
Use synonyms
facilities
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
of
Change preposition
that
show examples
 everyone can
be
Verb problem
use
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 used. I think
this
Linking Words
 is a negative development
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 in the following
essay
Punctuation problem
essay,
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 I will explain. One of the primary
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
 for building specialised
facilities
Use synonyms
 for
athletes
Use synonyms
 is that
government
Correct article usage
the government
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 neglect the health of unprofessional
people
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, without
sports
Use synonyms
 and
people
Use synonyms
seating
Verb problem
sitting
show examples
 on chairs for a long time
bring
Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
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 a lot of health issues, like obesity and heart disease. If the government builds more
facilities
Use synonyms
 for unprofessional
Use synonyms
people
Punctuation problem
people,
show examples
 they have a force to do some exercise, and can decrease the burden
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the government. Another reason is that it creates a sense of
distence
Correct your spelling
distance
 between
athletes
Use synonyms
 and publicans. When only a few elites hang out in a single sport, social inequality increases, causing a divide.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, building specialised
facilities
Use synonyms
 for
athletes
Use synonyms
 can more effectively enhance professional
athletes
Use synonyms
. So
athletes
Use synonyms
 can earn more
honors
Change the spelling
honours
show examples
 and not worry about harm
by
Change preposition
from
show examples
facilities
Use synonyms
 and can
not
Rephrase
apply
show examples
represent the country in various competitions.
However
Linking Words
, sacrificing
people
Use synonyms
 to win more awards goes against the original purpose of
sports
Use synonyms
. The goal of
sports
Use synonyms
 is to improve
people
Use synonyms
's physical health and to enhance group identity, not simply to compete for championships. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 enhancing training
facilities
Use synonyms
 for professional
athletes
Use synonyms
 is a meaningful policy, it should not come at the expense of the public's exercise needs, as
this
Linking Words
 would be a negative development for society in the long term.

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task
Keep your plan clear. In the first part say your view and what you will show.
task
In each paragraph, use one idea and add a short example or detail.
structure
Link ideas with easy words. Use and, but, also, for example to join ideas.
language
Fix word use. A few wrong words pull the eye from your meaning. Use common words.
task
The essay shows a clear view.
structure
There is a closing paragraph.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • international success
  • specialized facilities
  • top athletes
  • sports facilities
  • positive development
  • negative development
  • excellence in sports
  • lack of access
  • general public
  • international sports events
  • unequal distribution
  • resources
  • inspire
  • motivate
  • aspiring athletes
  • neglecting
  • areas of development
  • contribute to
  • economy
  • excessive focus
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