IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The best way to teach children to cooperate is through team sports at school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that the most effective way to train cooperation in young people is to integrate them into sporting
teams
Use synonyms
 at
school
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay strongly agrees with
this
Linking Words
 view because
such
Linking Words
 activities help
children
Use synonyms
 to learn how to communicate well with others and to handle conflicts. On the one hand,
team
Use synonyms
sports
Use synonyms
 demand good communication skills; coaches,
therefore
Linking Words
, spend a significant amount of time equipping young athletes with effective communication tools for use in matches as part of the
team
Use synonyms
's strategy and game plan.
For instance
Linking Words
,
sports
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as football and cricket involve a great deal of player rotation that requires players to understand the movements expected from them and to discuss among themselves who moves and who stays put in specific match situations. These skills can be transferred and used outside of games to handle different life situations,
such
Linking Words
 as knowing what, when and how to communicate.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, being part of a
team
Use synonyms
 comes with a lot of conflicts that demand emotional intelligence from players. These conflicts can be among
team
Use synonyms
 members or between
teams
Use synonyms
, and can be more pronounced among
children
Use synonyms
 who are not experienced in handling life challenges. Part of a trainer's job,
therefore
Linking Words
, is to teach athletes emotional regulation under challenging circumstances.
For instance
Linking Words
, some top athletes attribute their current success to
effective
Correct article usage
the effective
show examples
 conflict management training they received earlier on
while
Linking Words
 playing for their primary or secondary
school
Use synonyms
teams
Use synonyms
. What
this
Linking Words
 shows
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 is the effectiveness of
school
Use synonyms
teams
Use synonyms
 in instilling values of cooperation among
children
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, some people think that the best way to teach
children
Use synonyms
 to cooperate is through
team
Use synonyms
sports
Use synonyms
 at
school
Use synonyms
. I agree with
this
Linking Words
 view because of the communication and conflict resolution skills that
children
Use synonyms
 gain from these activities.
Thus
Linking Words
, if
such
Linking Words
sports
Use synonyms
 were to be made compulsory in schools, optimum cooperation benefits would be achieved.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence
Use more clear links to move from one idea to the next.
content
Add more real life examples from life at school beyond sports.
coherence
If you agree, you may keep all text on the positive side; avoid long 'On the other hand' parts.
language
Check grammar and mix sentence length to be easy to read.
content
Clear view and strong stance.
ideas
Good examples with team sports such as football and cricket.
structure
Well structured with intro, body, and conclusion.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cooperation
  • teamwork
  • communication
  • values
  • applied
  • aspects
  • belonging
  • camaraderie
  • participating
  • essential
  • social skills
What to do next:
Look at other essays: