Most modern families have both parents working and as a result children spend less and less time with their parents. What are the reasons for this? What problems can this cause?
In the modern world, many households contain working parents, leading to less leisure time to spend with their kids.
This
essay will outline the factors of Linking Words
such
a pressing issue, followed by its negative consequences.
To start with, there is no denying the fact that the cost of life has increased over the recent decades. Linking Words
While
one person cannot earn enough money for a decent living, his or her partner has no choice but to find a job. Linking Words
For example
, in Germany, people suffer because of the high taxes and fees. Linking Words
Thus
, both parents need to work, even though it results in reduced pastime. Linking Words
Additionally
, women's empowerment has played a crucial role in changing the social structure. As previously females were forced to stay at home, now they can build their careers successfully, coming up with new measures.
Linking Words
On the other hand
, there are many challenges posed by Linking Words
this
trend. Linking Words
Firstly
, the behaviour and mental health of children are put in danger. Obviously, if a kid does not receive a sufficient amount of attention, he or she will suffer emotionally. Linking Words
Furthermore
, the relatives themselves lose their close relationships and connections. Linking Words
As a result
of these disruptions, the level of divorces climbs drastically. Linking Words
For instance
, the divorce rate has increased in the Russian Federation over the Linking Words
last
5 years. The situation even raises concerns within the government authorities, so they propose various measures for families to assist them financially.
In conclusion, I can emphasize the fact that the younger population nowadays spends less time with their parents because of improved women's rights and higher costs of living. Linking Words
Besides
, it impacts society negatively by hurting kids' mental well-being and relationships' erosion.Linking Words
Submitted by n.chubukina21 on
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Coherence and Cohesion
You are generally on track, but try to keep your arguments more interconnected, linking them smoothly from one to the next. This will help in maintaining a stronger and more cohesive flow throughout.
Task Achievement
Although your response is well-rounded, including a few more real-world examples could make your points even more vivid and convincing to the reader.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clearly presented and well-articulated, providing a solid framework for the essay.
Task Achievement
You have effectively tackled the essay prompt by discussing both the reasons and consequences of the issue.
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