IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Most modern families have both parents working and as a result children spend less and less time with their parents. What are the reasons for this? What problems can this cause?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In the modern world, many households contain working parents, leading to less leisure time to spend with their kids.
This
Linking Words
 essay will outline the factors of
such
Linking Words
 a pressing issue, followed by its negative consequences. To start with, there is no denying the fact that the cost of life has increased over the recent decades.
While
Linking Words
 one person cannot earn enough money for a decent living, his or her partner has no choice but to find a job.
For example
Linking Words
, in Germany, people suffer because of the high taxes and fees.
Thus
Linking Words
, both parents need to work, even though it results in reduced pastime.
Additionally
Linking Words
, women's empowerment has played a crucial role in changing the social structure. As previously females were forced to stay at home, now they can build their careers successfully, coming up with new measures.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are many challenges posed by
this
Linking Words
 trend.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the behaviour and mental health of children are put in danger. Obviously, if a kid does not receive a sufficient amount of attention, he or she will suffer emotionally.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the relatives themselves lose their close relationships and connections.
As a result
Linking Words
 of these disruptions, the level of divorces climbs drastically.
For instance
Linking Words
, the divorce rate has increased in the Russian Federation over the
last
Linking Words
 5 years. The situation even raises concerns within the government authorities, so they propose various measures for families to assist them financially. In conclusion, I can emphasize the fact that the younger population nowadays spends less time with their parents because of improved women's rights and higher costs of living.
Besides
Linking Words
, it impacts society negatively by hurting kids' mental well-being and relationships' erosion.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence and Cohesion
You are generally on track, but try to keep your arguments more interconnected, linking them smoothly from one to the next. This will help in maintaining a stronger and more cohesive flow throughout.
Task Achievement
Although your response is well-rounded, including a few more real-world examples could make your points even more vivid and convincing to the reader.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clearly presented and well-articulated, providing a solid framework for the essay.
Task Achievement
You have effectively tackled the essay prompt by discussing both the reasons and consequences of the issue.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: