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Band 7.5

Differences between countries are becoming less evident each year. Nowadays, people all over the world share fashions, advertising, brands, eating habits, and TV channels. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

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It is widely believed that differences between nations have become less obvious over the years.
While
 some individuals believe
this
 brings numerous benefits, I think its drawbacks outweigh its advantages. On the one hand, thanks to globalization,
people
 worldwide can expand their knowledge and boost their national economies. Shared fashions and eating habits allow individuals to experience diverse cuisines from around the globe.
For instance
, when individuals try Tokbokki, a Korean traditional dish now popular in many countries, they may become curious about its origins.
This
 curiosity can lead them to explore more about Korean culture and history, thereby broadening their knowledge.
Additionally
, technological advancements have introduced modern methods for advertising,
such
 as CGI and AI. With shared advertising techniques and TV channels, countries can adopt these methods to enhance the quality of their national marketing campaigns.
This
 results in products being sold more quickly, increasing company profits and contributing to economic growth.
On the other hand
, increasing similarities between countries can lead to a loss of cultural identity and economic inequality. One major drawback is the erosion of cultural identity, as global trends overshadow local traditions and customs.
For example
, traditional crafts, languages, and customs may gradually vanish as
people
 adopt more dominant international styles. Another disadvantage is economic inequality, as
people
 may prefer international brands over local ones.
Consequently
, local businesses and traditional markets may struggle to compete, leading to economic disparities.
To sum up
,
although
 the growing similarities between
people
 worldwide offer certain benefits, I believe
this
 trend has more significant disadvantages.
Submitted by vannessnguyenlhp on

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coherence and cohesion
While the essay is logically structured, further elaboration and transition between ideas could enhance coherence. Make sure each main point flows smoothly to the next.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task effectively, but consider providing a clearer stance in the conclusion by restating your main points more explicitly.
task achievement
The essay provides specific examples, such as the reference to Tokbokki, to support the main points, showing a clear understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
A strong conclusion effectively summarizes the main argument, reinforcing the essay's position.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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