IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some believe that the government should support producer like musicians, painters, and poets, while more argue that this is a misuse of funds.

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Some believe that the government should support
producer
Change the noun form
producers
show examples
 like musicians, painters, and poets,
while
Linking Words
 more argue that
this
Linking Words
 is a misuse of funds. Many think that roles are provided with finance by the authorities, but for other people, it is just a waste of money. In
this
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 essay will get some ideas for supporting both arguments. There are some advantages to supporting musicians, painters, and
further
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 by the state. First of all, the works of characters help people who work under pressure and always get stressed, to get rid of stress. They can forget their problems by listening to music or viewing pictures.
Secondly
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, the arts are the best thing that learn and introduce other countries' cultures and history. Because every artist uses their environmental conditions when they produce new works.
On the other hand
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, there are a lot of spheres that are more important than arts. The government spends more money on improving educational systems and building some social infrastructure like hospitals, kindergartens,
and
Correct word choice
apply
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etc. These fields are key parts of the government system, and almost no one gets financial aid for
this
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 except for the state.
Also
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, improving educational systems and supporting social structures is the main purpose for all developing countries that want to be gigantic. The reason why only the state that can get a good social life for the population becomes developed. In conclusion, there are some advantages and disadvantages to spending money on actors. All governments should choose the way to take into account their own financial conditions.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Improve the logical flow between paragraphs and ideas by using more cohesive devices like transitions or linking words to connect your arguments smoothly.
Task Achievement
Provide more specific examples or evidence to support your arguments. This will enhance the overall persuasiveness and depth of your response.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and follows a logical progression. You can achieve this by planning your essay structure before writing.
Task Achievement
The essay covers both viewpoints, which demonstrates a balanced approach to the task.
Coherence and Cohesion
You've included an introduction and a conclusion, which provides a complete essay structure.
Task Achievement
The essay contains some good arguments regarding cultural importance and governmental financial priorities.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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